In the Shadows of Monsters
by wolfvision
Summary: Renesmee Swan is still reeling from her parents death when she moves to Forks to live with her uncle Charlie. Now she's alone in a new town trying to adjust to a new life she never wanted.
1. Moving to Forks

TITLE: Shadows of Monsters

AUTHOR: Wolfvision

RATING: M

CHARACTERS: Renesmee & Jacob mostly but the beginning will be mostly Renesmee, Bella, & Charlie

SUMMARY: Renesmee Swan was your typical 17 year old city girl until evil ripped her apart from her loving family. Now she's living with her Uncle Charlie and trying to adjust to small town living in Forks. As this city girl fumbles in her new country life she never expects to find the very thing she thought she would never see again. The way Jacob Black looks at her reminds her of how her father use to look at her mother, a look she had given up on seeing ever again. But there is a dark cloud hanging over her, threatening to block the sliver of light she had found. A monster from her past waits in the shadows to finish what he started. Now Renesmee must put her faith in the unbelievable and hope that neither her life nor heart gets lost in the shadows of monsters.

OOC: I'm a long time reader first time writer. All constructive comments are welcomed! Thanks and happy reading!

DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyers I merely play with them. No copyright infringement intended.

_Whoever said that 'everything happens for a reason' is full of shit. _That is my exact thought as I stare out of the window seat of the plane of new beginnings. Moving to another state isn't my choice, but a direct result of my actions. Although the whiny part of me wants to insist that I couldn't have known that one simple choice would cause my world to come crashing down around me.

A year ago I was Renesmee Swan, you're typical 16 year old who was totally head over feet for the love of my life, Eric. A month ago I was a teenage girl with her first broken heart trying to figure out how to rebuild my life without him. A week ago I was the lost little girl devastated by the death of her parents, putting on a brave face as I dealt with people sharing in my grief. Now I was orphan Annie, being shipped off to my only living relative, Charlie Swan. I haven't seen Uncle Charlie in years and quite frankly am a little anxious about living with him.

_At least he's not a complete stranger_. _It could be worse,_ I remind myself. I could have ended up going into foster care and let's face it, there were more bad foster homes then good. Eric had grown up in one. I can't help but shudder as his name crosses my mind yet again.

Wrapping my arms around my center I fight the urge to pull my knees to my chest. Pain, anger, and fear mingle inside my being until they become so intertwined I don't know if they'll ever be separate again. The elderly woman beside me is staring and I realize I've bent over. Evidently my upper body didn't get the message to stay up right. Putting my chin down I let my long black hair fall down acting as a barrier between me and the world aka the nosey lady wondering what my deal was.

I forced myself to breathe as my mind took me down my own private road to hell. It took me to my old house and I swore I could hear the police and ambulance sirens blaring in my ears still. Suddenly I was in the door way a police officer holding me back. "Honey this is nothing you want to see." He had said as he held me back and as I glimpsed the red on the walls I knew he was right.

The next few days passed in a fog like state. I felt nothing, saw nothing and could remember nothing. At the time I welcomed the numbness, it kept me moving when all I wanted to do was to hide from everyone and everything. It was like I had died along side my parents that night.

They had a joint funeral and it was only fitting. They had done everything together, their love bringing them even closer over the years. The depth of their love was obvious to even a blind man and it had fanned the fuel for the lovesick teen I had been. I wanted the kind of love and commitment I witnessed everyday first hand, I mean who wouldn't?

My selfishness had cost my parents, the only people who had ever loved me, their lives. Sure Eric was the one who wielded the knife, but I had been the one to push him over the edge. I was the coward who blamed my inability to be with him any longer on my parents. I just never thought he was honestly capable of actual violence. _I am such an idiot._ My self-destructive thoughts were interrupted when the announcement was made to prepare for landing.

A half hour later I was done collecting my baggage and searching for Uncle Charlie. People looked at me strangely as I made my way through the airport. But wasn't that what my new look was for; to keep people at a distance? Distance equaled safety in my world now. So with that in mind I had my locks hacked into a long rocker style. Then there was my piercings to consider. My nose stud was the first, then my Monroe, then the ring in the center of the bottom of my lower lip, five in each ear including an industrial. If those didn't get gawked at there was always the stars tattooed on my temples to frame my emerald green eyes. The clothes I sported now a day didn't help matters much. I was wearing my favorite green crystal skull mini dress complete with fishnets and black corset lace up boots, and fingerless gloves.

I shifted the duffle bag on my shoulder a little self consciously as I saw Charlie standing beside his police cruiser. I gotta give the man credit his mouth only hung open for a second. "Renesmee?" He asked in a tone where I was sure he would be upset if I had just kept walking.

Instead of doing just that I forced a half smile on my face, it was a pathetic excuse of a smile but it was the best I had to offer. "Hey Uncle Charlie."

"Wow. You've…. changed. I almost didn't recognize you." It was a statement of simple fact, not even a hint of judgment colored his words and man it reminded me why I had always liked him. Taking my bag from my shoulder he hefted it into the trunk as I climbed into the passenger side of the car.

The car ride to Charlie's house was blissfully quiet which was to be expected given his lack of love for conversation. Once we got there he showed me to my room which use to belong to my cousin Bella. Seems she went and got married to some guy named Edward. Charlie doesn't seem thrilled about the whole deal but given that she's what twenty now? He doesn't really have much of a choice. Anyhow Bella and Edward still live in Forks, in a small house close to his family. Mentally I make a note to contact her soon and maybe play the old 'catch up' game. But I guess first things first, time to get unpacking.


	2. Reconnecting

It had been two weeks since I first stepped foot in Forks. To say I was out of my element was a HUGE understatement. I was use to living in a big city where you walked to where you wanted to go. If it was too far away you either took a bus or called a taxi, no biggie. Here? In Forks? I snorted out loud at the thought alone. They might have known what they looked like but no way did they exist, kinda like a unicorn.

Which is why I sit here waiting for my cousin Bella to pick me up. I'm not gonna lie, I was nervous as hell to see her. I mean we haven't seen each other in YEARS and now she was stuck playing chauffer. Add to that that I have people issues currently and you get how thrilled I am about this. But dear old Uncle Charlie thought it would be a good idea for Bella to take me out car shopping. Did I mention that he gave her specific instructions on the kind of vehicle I was allowed to buy? Yes, I said allowed. He might not be my dad but he was my legal guardian now and as such controlled all of the money left to me from my parents. Not that I was chomping at the bits to spend it, any of it, but yeah.

I was sitting on the front porch steps when a shiny silver Volvo pulled up. The girl, correction, supermodel that got out could no way be Bella. I mean my cuz was always pretty but yeah NOT like this. Her skin looked like porcelain and her hair was so thick and shiny it looked like she had come right from the salon. I played with the ends of my suddenly embarrassingly neglected long hair, a nervous habit I've never broken. Standing to greet her I put my hands in my back pockets, another bad habit. "Bella?"

Bella's smile was friendly yet cool as she approached. "Hey May it's been forever how have you been?"

She said the right things and was smiling but still there was something…off about her but I couldn't put my finger on it. Shrugging it off as me being stupid I returned her smile. "Yeah it has. Hey I just want to apologize for you being stuck with me for the day."

Bella shrugged, "No need to apologize. Edward was having some kind of boys' day with Emmett and Jasper anyhow." When I raised my brow in question she only laughed and it was a weird twinkling of bells sound, so not like I remember. "Don't ask."

"Only if you don't drag me all over creation today." I agreed trying to keep my voice light as we walked to her shiny Volvo. Inwardly I told myself not to panic; going into town is not a bad thing. It's a small town, and during the work week, so most people should be doing just that.

Bella had passed the time talking; mostly to herself because I wasn't really there. My mind had a tendency to wander, mostly to dark dangerous places better left alone. Fear fed the panic which fueled the delusions. Damn it I had forgotten to take my meds again. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

"Charlie wasn't kidding, you don't like being around people do you?" She sounded surprised and cautious like she was worried about my reaction to her simple question. I may have enough baggage to fill a Boeing 747 but I wasn't one step away from jumping…not today at least.

I looked out the window at the shops that we drove by. I hate talking about myself, about how I feel about well anything. I like to listen instead, always have. Now, apparently, it was just more acute and obvious to everyone ."Not really."

She grew quiet, enough so that I swear I couldn't even hear her breathing. Turning I looked over at her, just to make sure she was still behind the wheel. Maybe that had been her plan cause she was looking at me when I peeked. "You know we don't have to do this right? I can tell Charlie that I got held up helping Alice with something and couldn't make it."

I swallowed my guilt sandwich smothered in get a grip and forced a shake of my head. "Nah, I need something to get around in."

"Well Edward's brother Emmett has his old jeep just sitting in the garage under a car cover. If you want I can say something to him about his willingness to sell." She was trying so hard to be nice and help me out how could I say no? Beside it would keep me from having to visit lot after lot looking. I mean really this is not how I wanted to spend my day anyhow, phobias aside.

"You think he'll want to?" Even I could hear the hopeful note in my voice. It was a strange sound I barely recognized.

"I know Rosalie wants him too, so I bet he will." Just when I thought she couldn't look any more beautiful she smiled and it hurt to look at her. Like, honest to God, my eyes freakin hurt. What was the point of anyone being THAT pretty anyhow?

Instantly I mentally slapped myself for the less then friendly thoughts I'm having. I'm not a jealous person, I swear. My mood is just a little darker and less predictable lately. Most days I'm stuck in a comfortable apathy which I'm told is normal, but I don't feel normal. I honestly doubt I'll ever be normal again, but hey isn't normalcy overrated anyhow? Reminding myself of all this I smile my crappy little fake smile I know everyone can see through but it's the best I have anymore. "Thanks." I reply lamely.

Her smile drooped letting me know, yep she totally sees through me façade. Bella turned her eyes back to the road and I could suddenly breathe a little easier. "You know…" She started without even looking at me. "It was really hard for me too when I first moved back here. So I know what you're going through."

I doubted that severely, she wasn't alone in this world. She still had both her mom and dad who loved her, not to mention her husband Edward and his family. I stood in the cold on the outside enviously watching as they moved around the house named family that was kept warm by love. My own house was now as empty and cold as the only person left in it. I realized she was waiting patiently for some kind of answer or response while I lost myself to my destructive thoughts again. I played with the ends of my hair as I starred at the dash like it was a Monet. "Ah, thanks. It's just...ya know…hard."

Without thought Bella reached over and placed her hand on mine and squeezed it briefly before pulling it back. I pang went through my chest as it reminded me of something my mother use to do. The little gesture of comfort and compassion threatened to break me. Forcing back the emotions that were currently playing havoc in my head and chest I focused on how cold and strong her grip had been. "Wow and I thought my hands were cold." With effort I made my voice light, almost teasing which matched the half grin on my face. Bella on the other hand seemed to shut down slightly, like she had just made some kind of huge mistake. Her whole body tensed until I was unsure if she was even breathing. "I'm sorry if I said something wrong." I was staring at her but I couldn't help it. Her reaction to my simple jest was baffling to me.

Bella recovered with a dazzling smile. "You're fine. Hey, don't you like Johnny Depp movies?"

Now I was blinking as my brain tried to follow her train of thought. Obviously I had hit some kind of nerve without meaning too. "Yeah." There was a hesitancy I couldn't disguise in my voice. I was more than a little unsure of where she was going with this.

"Well I just got Alice in Wonderland. I thought maybe you'd like to go back to my house and watch it?" Before I could inquire about who would be there she added, "It would just be you and me of course. Like I said earlier Edward is out for the day, he won't be back until after I've promised to have you home by."

Her words put the slight panic that had started at ease. "Yeah I think that would be cool." I had really wanted to see that movie given that it had been my favorite children's story. Add to that that I love Tim Burton films and Johnny Depp and it was a no brainer, but life had decided it wasn't in the cards at the time it came out.

Her smile was so bright it hurt my eyes again. "Then it's settled. My house for movies." With a nod of her head she made a quick u turn at the next light and headed to her house.

The rest of the afternoon had progressed just as she said. First we watched Alice in Wonderland then all three of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. The last and final movie was my choice. I picked The Nightmare before Christmas because it was my favorite Tim Burton movie ever. It was the best day I had in a long time. I had almost felt normal as I sat with my cousin watching movies and making comments as we saw fit.

I realized as she drove me back to Charlie's that I had forgotten how much I had liked Bella. With that thought in mind I spoke up. "I really had a lot of fun today Bella, thanks." And I hoped that she could tell how much I meant that. I hadn't felt even a moment of happiness since the night my life changed forever.

Bella smiled like she understood that was for sure. "Not a problem, so did I. We'll have to do this again."

Charlie was waiting in the doorway when we pulled up. "If we're allowed." We said in unison causing us both to lose ourselves to a momentary giggle fit. We were still in the tails of it when we climbed out of the car.

"Hey Charlie."

"Hi dad."

After a brief scan over my person Charlie seemed to relax slightly as a sigh of relief left his lips. Bella rolled her eyes slightly. "I told you she would be fine."

Charlie crossed his arms over his chest as he looked over at his daughter. "I know."

I looked between the two feeling like I was missing something important. Why on earth wouldn't I be safe at Bella's?

Charlie didn't even look at me when he spoke. "Why don't you head to bed Renesmee I want to talk to Bella before she heads home."

"Yeah sure. Night Bella." I mumbled before heading inside and up to my room. As always night time is the worst for me. The silence of it gives my overactive brain way too much time to think, to remember. The only way I can semi sleep is with a little Apocalyptica playing on my ipod. Music slows my brain enough for my eyes to droop and, if I'm lucky, find purchase. Even when they do my dreams are always haunted by a past that is forever out of reach. The good times are almost as painful as the bad are scary. I toss and turn until I finally give up and swallow my sleeping pills that lay beside my bed. They force everything to still and sleep to claim my weary mind. The next eight hours I'll be trapped in a hell I can't escape until the pills finally wear off and I'm awake again. This is the sad reality of my nightly routine, a necessary evil I have come to accept. This is where my never ending battle starts. This is where I fight the shadows of monsters. Night after night after night…


	3. Human Worries

**Author's Note: This chapter is written from Bella's POV. And if I can ask all of the wonderful people reading this a favor...please review!**

I watched Renesmee go inside and braced myself for the lecture I knew was coming. Sure enough as soon as she was out of ear shot Charlie turned towards me. "What the hell were you thinking Bella?"

Somehow I tramped down the urge to roll my eyes. At no time had Renesmee been in any kind of danger. Although truth be told I bet that Edward would be less then pleased with me being alone with my very human cousin. He had utter faith in me but wasn't a huge fan of me placing myself in the direct path of temptation. "Dad she was…is fine as you saw for yourself."

As Charlie crossed his arms over his chest the line between his eyebrows deepened, not a good sign. "This time Bella. But I do not want you taking her around the rest of the..the…Edward's family."

I gritted my teeth as my hands curled into fists; my anger poking its ugly little head out. Even after a year he still had a hard time saying the truth aloud. "They wouldn't hurt her."

Charlie snorted his disbelief. "I'm not so sure about that."

My eyes did flash fire. I'm sure of it. "You know darn well that they, that I, don't hurt humans. But that doesn't even matter because they weren't there. It was just Renesmee and myself at the house."

Charlie wiped his hand over his face as he sighed. "I didn't mean that they would want to hurt her just that accidents happen."

That deflated some of my anger. The scene from my birthday when Jasper had attacked me over a small paper cut flashed in my head. He hadn't really honestly wanted to hurt me either but he would have if Edward hadn't stopped him. Thank God that I didn't have to worry about that anymore I was much better suited for life as a vampire. "I know dad which is why I took her to my house. It was just her and me." I couldn't mask the hurt I felt when I voiced my next thought, "You do trust me…right?"

Charlie's face fell as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh hell Bella, of course I trust you. You're still my daughter."

"But?" I was proud of myself none of my building annoyance was evident in my voice.

A deep sigh left him as his hand fell to his side. Charlie's eyes were tortured when he looked at me. "I'm trying Bella. But I'm still adjusting to the idea of…" I watched him struggle with the word vampire. It was like his mouth refused to say the ludicrous idea he was thinking. "Vampires. That they're real and not just myths or legends."

"But you're okay with the werewolves? How fair is that?" I made sure to not think of Jake. Every time I did it hurt like hell but I had made the right decision. Edward is and always will be my soul mate. While I love Jacob I'm not in love with him. I didn't always understand that but I do now. I just wish I hadn't had to hurt him in the process. He was nothing like the boy he used to be and I was a big part of that.

Charlie stood up straight his body moving into a defensive position. "That's a different story Bella and I'm not exactly…What's the phrase you kids are always using? Down with it."

It was hard to stay mad at Charlie when he tried to use slang. I mean it's just hilarious. But his words irked me. "They turn into dogs for crying out loud! How is that better?"

Charlie sighed again. "They don't kill anything to survive."

The face I made wasn't pretty. "No they do it for sport." I watched Charlie's mouth drop open. I should let him think exactly what he was thinking but my conscious wouldn't let me. "Animals, just like us Charlie."

The color that had drained from his face slowly started to color it again. "Like I said Bella I'm trying. I'm a practical man that believes in logical things. Vampires and Werewolves are not logical things. So give this old man some credit. I've come a long way since I found out a year ago about all this."

Again I felt the anger ebbing out of me. Charlie was trying his best. I knew this. I did. But it was easy to forget sometimes. "Yeah okay but what about Renesmee? She needs friends. Isolation is not what she needs right now, you know that." I purposely changed the subject to Renesmee. I liked her, and was frankly a little worried about her. She had shut herself off from everything around her. Closed down until I'm sure the Renesmee we see now is a ghost of the girl she had once been. What I really want is to get her around Edward so he could make sure she wasn't about to do anything stupid. But no way was Charlie ready to allow that, not yet at least.

Charlie's leaned against the porch railing suddenly seeming extremely tired and weary. "You don't think I know that? But I don't know who to send her to see. Renesmee is not going to willingly go anywhere. Getting her to talk about herself is like pulling teeth. Actually pulling teeth might be easier come to think of it."

My lips quirked into a half grin I imagined looked very much like the one on Charlie's face. If nothing else we both cared for the damaged girl that was sleeping above us. "Yeah I think it would be but I bet Carlisle knows someone good. If you want I'll have him call you tomorrow before he heads to the hospital."

Charlie nodded as his eyebrows knitted together in thought. "But how to get her to go?"

He was thinking aloud, I knew this but I suddenly had a great idea I was sure it would work. "I think I know how to get her to go."

That brought Charlie back to the land of the living, well mostly living. "How?"

I couldn't help but smile as I told him my devious plan. "Well she was interested in Emmett's jeep. You could always make her going to therapy a condition of her getting it."

Charlie barked out a short laugh. "I forgot how devious you can be. No doubt a trait you got from your mother."

I rolled my eyes but it was ruined by the grin on my face. "So that's a yes?"

Charlie nodded his grin fading. "She's not going to like me very much after this."

I reached out and placed my hand on his arm. "She'll get over it. Promise."

Charlie pulled me into his arms in a brief hug. Quickly he let go and stepped back. "Thanks for helping me with Renesmee, Bella."

I smiled back at him, "Not a problem. I'm worried about her too."

Charlie turned back to the house and opened the screen door. "I'll be waiting on Carlisle's call. You have a good night Bella."

"You too dad." I said before heading to my car. I was suddenly very excited to get home. After all Edward should be back by now and well I was eager to show him how much I had missed him. I sighed realizing I had the business of talking to Carlisle and Emmett first. Oh well, it's not like vampires slept; I had the whole night ahead of me.


	4. Shades of Grey

**Authors Note: Thank you so much for the reviews! Reviews make the muse happy which means more story faster soooo...if you like it let me know! But really thanks for reviewing it's nice to know someone other then me likes it! PS...thanks to my unofficial beta who is awesome and keeps the story from being a confusing mess! With that said, I return you to the drama...**

Fear, incapacitating fear is all I feel when I first wake up. He's here with me. If I open my eyes he'll be there and I'll be dead. _I deserve to die. _I didn't save my parents. _They died because of me. It's all my fault. I should have died. I'm so sorry._ A sob escapes my throat and I know it's finally my turn. I won't fight him. I miss my family. I long to see them again with a ferocity that's taken everything I have.

The back of his hand runs down my face gently and I squeeze my eyes closed tighter. I'm a coward till the end, refusing to meet the eyes of my monster. My stomach churns as his breath washes against my neck. He tells me he loves me and I have to force the bile back down my throat.

The air in my lungs freeze as a cold blade touches my neck. He kisses me and I know its game over. He commands me to open my eyes and I do so blinking against the bright light that fills the room. Only the room isn't my room, it's different. I can't figure out why it's familiar yet foreign.

I lay there for several minutes trying to get my slow working brain to focus. When it finally does I realize he's not really here. Well not physically. He lives in my head, striking me at my weakest moment. Turning onto my side I curl into the fetal position and cry until I hiccup.

I hate mornings. They always start with a brief trip to insanity and delusions followed quickly by enough tears to cause a flood. Not to mention the uncontrollable shaking. A half hour later I'm forcing myself out of the bed. All I want is a break. Someone needs to invent a pause button for life. That's all I want but I'll never get it. Life goes on no matter what.

On the way to my closet I pass a full length mirror. A quick look in it shows that I look like hell warmed over. My clothes are baggy but losing twenty pounds in a month will do that. My hair looks like a rat's nest and…I pick up my arm and sniff my arm pit. Yep, I need a shower. Now mind you I don't really care, but the little everyday things sometimes keep me from feeling crazy. Well that and meds. Only meds mean I have to go to the shrink and keep my craziness to a manageable level.

I've got issues. I know this. But my pain is my pain. It keeps me connected to the past. It's my cross to bear and considering the price my parents paid for my bad decision it should be heavier. I sigh disgusted at my own reflection. I fight the urge to smash the mirror cause really, what would that help? I'd still be the ugly pathetic excuse of a person I am. I turn my back to the ugliness staring at me. Different bottles sit on my night stand. I pick out the one that says Zoloft and swallow them greedily. I need to take my meds before my dark grey mood turns black. Black is bad, black is scary. I rub my wrist against my hip without even thinking of it. Black leaves me with scars that can actually be seen.

Grabbing clothes and a towel I take my bad mood to the bathroom. Charlie knows better than to talk to me before the meds kick in. I find the pause button in my brain by blaring Apocalyptica. I just need a half hour and then I'll be as close to normal as I can get. I try to make my parents proud, even now, which is why I haven't given up. But I want to, God how I want to sometimes.

Forty five minutes later my growling stomach has me heading down into the kitchen dressed in jeans and an off the shoulder green and white stripped tee. I'm feeling better, not good, nowhere near great, but I'm closer to a grayish purple than a black/grey. My rainbow hasn't gone past grayish purple in over a month. Hell who am I kidding? It was jet black until I moved to Forks. Something was different here. I just hadn't figured out what it was yet. What are those old corny sayings? Something must be in the air or water up here.

Pulling out the yogurt, strawberries, blackberries, and blueberries I made myself breakfast at uhhh? I sigh looking up at the clock in the kitchen. According to it, it was two o'clock in the afternoon.

_I'm so fucked up._

The thought alone had tears springing into my eyes. Maybe I was closer to grey then I thought. I wasn't able to wallow in self loathing long because I heard a car pulling up to the house. Charlie was home but that was kind of normal. He always found a reason to come home during the day. They were pitiful excuses to check up on me, to make sure that I hadn't offed myself while he was out. I love him for caring but I had no intention of meeting God yet. I had a lot to atone for and I was more likely to meet up with the horned one if I dropped dead right now. _Like you care. You're a selfish little whore. It's only a matter of time until you fuck up Charlie's life too._ The little voice in my head that sounded a whole hell of a lot like Eric chimed in.

Yeah I've got delusions AND voices going on. Like I said Renesmee equals crazy. I hold my breath as I hear the screen door open a part of me hoping it's my mother or father. It's so only a matter of time before I'm institutionalized I swear. It's stupid and childish but that hope just won't go away. Life also needs a rewind button I decide as I give Charlie my fake ass smile. I would change everything.

Charlie on the other hand is not in a good mood. I can tell by the huge frown on his face. His eyes roam over my breakfast food before settling on me. "You just got up."

Yep that was not a hey how ya doin tone. Nor was it a question so I just sat there pushing my, now very unappealing, fruit and yogurt around in the bowl.

Charlie's hands clenched into fists at his side, his voice filled with a quiet desperation most would miss. "Damn it Renesmee. You can't keep living like this. It's not healthy."

I wanted to tell him I wasn't living. That I had died along side my parents but I wouldn't do that to him. Instead all he got was a weak ass, "I know."

He ran his hand through his hair so roughly I was surprised he didn't have a fist full of it. "But you're not trying to do a damn thing about it." His frustration was leaking into his voice despite his attempt to hide it. I acted like I didn't notice.

I shrugged because he was partly right. I was doing what I had to do to survive, not live. But I was doing, at the least, that and I deserved a slight bit of credit for doing it. "I take my meds." However Charlie disagreed with my logic.

I squirmed under Charlie's angry gaze. "It takes a hell of a lot more than that. You need to start seeing someone again."

My teeth snapped together so loudly I think the neighbors heard it. "I hate shrinks."

Charlied wrapped his hands around the back of the chair across from me and leaned forward. He wasn't in my personal space yet, but he was pretty damn close to it. "You can hate them all you want but you need help and I'll be damned if I just sit here and watch you throw away your life."

"You can't make me." I hissed through my teeth. No way in hell was I going to go spill my guts to a complete stranger again. The thought alone made me start to hyperventilate. I was scared of feeling, of remembering and that's a lot of what you did in there. I relied on my numbness to get through the day.

An evil grin lit up Charlie's face. "That so?"

"Yes." I replied crossing my arms over my chest. _Breathe in, breath out, repeat._

He studied me for a moment before speaking. "Then I guess you don't want Emmett's jeep."

My jaw went slack as I gawked at him. Was he bribing me?

Charlie let go of the chair and stood causally like he was suddenly mister carefree. "My mistake. I'll have to tell him the deal is off."

"You talked to Emmett about me buying his old jeep?" I was shocked stupid. I hadn't really thought this would go down and yet here we were.

Charlie shrugged, "it doesn't matter now does it?"

"Of course it matters!" I all but shrieked. Granted I never really wanted to go anywhere but not having the option was a suffocating feeling. A vehicle equaled freedom to get away from everyone when needed. And I wasn't naïve enough to think it wouldn't be. Not that I was going to tell Charlie that. No way would he let me have one then.

I've never seen a smug look on Charlie's face but I had no doubt that was the look I was staring at. "Then you'll go to therapy?"

Holy shit he WAS bribing me! Or blacking me. Either way he was being devious. "If I say no then I don't get my own ride, but if I say yes then Emmett's jeep is mine?"

"Exactly. The choice is yours." Again with the smug 'I've got you' look.

I chewed on my bottom lip as I weighed the pros and cons. Shrinks couldn't make you talk and he hadn't said I had to talk just go SEE someone. I could sit in an office and not say anything with the best of them. Only question was how much of my time would be wasted. The voice in my head snorted, _like you'd be doing anything anyhow. _"How often do I have to go?"

"Dr. Glenanne said she would like to meet with you three days a week to start."

I raised my hand up in the air signaling for him to stop. "Hold up. You already have all this set up?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

Charlie nodded obviously going for thee I'm as cool as an iceberg routine. "Your first appointment is on Monday."

I sat there looking stupid I'm sure. I can't believe he already has this all set up! I should tell him to go to hell. I would walk everywhere. But the truth was I really did want my own vehicle. I wanted the security it would give, not to mention come school time no way was I riding the bus.

"I need to head back to the station Renesmee, what's it gonna be? Should I cancel the appointment or let Emmett know that he can drop the jeep off tonight?"

I let my head fall forward in defeat. He had me. "It better have a full tank of gas." I grumbled not liking this in the least.

I could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke. "Good choice. I'm proud of you."

I snorted cause it was the only safe thing I could do since I was busy getting choked up. Four simple little words were undoing me again. _I'm proud of you._ How many times had my parents said those exact words to me? Yet I had let them down in the end.

Charlie did laugh this time mistaking my snort for typical teenage behavior. "I'll be home a little later tonight than usual. I need to head out to La Push and visit Billy. He's been having a hard time with his boy."

"Yeah okay." I mumbled still not happy with being manipulated like this. Charlie turned and left without saying another word. Which was fine with me, come Monday I was going to be talking more than I ever wanted to.


	5. Shrinking Heads

I sat staring at a stunningly beautiful woman that scared the bijous out of me. It was her piercing eyes I decide as she patiently waits for me to answer yet another question. Did I mention that I've managed to answer all of hers with mostly one word answers? And this isn't my first session either. I've been coming here for two weeks straight now and she hasn't cracked me yet. Yeah I'm smirking cause I do find it kind of funny. _I'm so going to hell._

I must have finally annoyed her cause she put down that damn notebook and pen. "You don't want to answer any of my questions, fine. How about this last one and then we'll call it a day?"

Narrowing my gaze I searched her face for the catch. "One more question and we're done?"

She laid her perfectly manicured hands folded together on the top of her desk. "Yes Renesmee. Answer me this one question honestly and completely and you can go."

I relaxed slightly in the tan oversized leather chair I was sitting in. _Thank God_ i_t's almost over. _ Did I mention how much I hate my weekly sessions with Dr. Glenanne? "Shoot."

"Why do you insist on wasting both of our time?"

Wow were they allowed to act like this with their patients? She wasn't playing games either, at least judging by the slight scowl on her face. "It wasn't my idea to come. Charlie made me."

She leaned forward in her seat a little. "So you're doing this for Charlie?"

I wanted to point out that was another question and I only agreed to one. But how do you say that without sounding like a child? I opted to shrug my shoulders again. "Yeah I guess."

She pushed her glasses back onto the bridge of her nose. "You promised to answer completely and honestly."

I sighed deeply, a bit dramatic but I was having a dramatic type moment, get over it. "I did."

"No you didn't Renesmee and so I'll ask a different one that might actually get a response from you." She didn't even give me the chance to object before barreling into the next question. "Do you think you need help?"

I opened my mouth to answer with the automatic lie that I was fine but I couldn't. I had promised to be honest. Damn my conscious and morals! Yeah I have them don't act so surprised. They're all my parents fault. I stare at my hands, a lump starting to form in my throat. "Yes." The word comes out as broken as I feel. All of this from just thinking about my parents. _How pathetic._

Her voice is softer, a soothing sound that I can't help but wonder if they teach in shrink school. "Then why won't you let me help you?"

"I don't deserve it." It sounds so typical yet is exactly how I feel. I'm not worthy of anyone or their help. "I deserve to suffer."

She was silent a moment digesting what I said perhaps. "Your parents wouldn't want that for you. They wouldn't want Eric to have that much control over you still."

My head snapped up at his name. I knew she had my entire medical file at her fingertips but I hadn't expected her to really read it or anything. My last one hadn't. He gave me prescriptions and talked at me. Dr. Withersome hadn't cared in the least bit. She stayed quiet while her comment bounced around in my head. Eric was controlling me? How? He was…fuck if I or the cops knew. "What do you mean he has control of me?"

She narrowed her all seeing gaze on me and I fought to keep from squirming in my seat. "He has you all to himself, just like he wanted. The last thing he would want is for you to be happy but it is what your parents would want."

My head spun in a million different directions all at once as I tried to pick up what she was throwing down. I hadn't thought about it, not even once, from that prospective. I knew Eric better than anyone and she was right. He had wanted me to himself and in his depraved mind that had meant my parents death. "You're right." I breathed as the realization sunk through my dense head.

"The real question for you now Renesmee, is are going to let him win?"

Anger swift and strong broke through my normal numbness. Everything became so shockingly clear in this moment that it scared a part of me. No way in hell was I going to let that bastard win. Not if I had the power to keep it from happening. My parents had fought, or so I had overheard, and they would be disappointed if I did any less. How had I let this happen? It didn't matter. It wouldn't from here on out. "What do I have to do?"

Dr. Glenanne's smile was warm and full of approval. "We'll start with baby steps. First I want you to understand that you're not crazy. Secondly, I would like you to try and talk about what happened during our sessions which we'll continue to have weekly. Finally there is a group therapy session for teens that meets on Wednesday. I think it would be beneficial for you to attend them. Are you willing to do that?"

I knew what she was asking. She wanted to make sure I actually was going to try. It meant I was going to have to talk, to deal with the things I had been hiding from. It wasn't going to be easy and more than likely I was going to cry more than any one person should. I chewed my bottom lip as I thought it over. It didn't take nearly as long as I thought to come to my decision. I think I surprised us both by replying, "yes."

"Good." She smiled before flipping through what I assume is my file. "I see here that you're on Zoloft?"

"Yeah."

"From what Charlie's told me it doesn't seem to be working."

I shrugged and she just gave me 'the look'. Oh yeah, we're doing the whole honesty thing now, I forgot. "Uhhh. Yeah, not really."

She pulled out a prescription pad and began scribbling. "I would like you to try a new antidepressant. It's newer to the market but has worked wonders for patients like you so far."

I couldn't keep my eyebrow from rising. "Patients like me?"

Ripping off the prescription and sliding it over towards me she answered. "Teenagers suffering from PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder."

I just blinked at her. "I thought that was like a war thing soldiers got or something?"

I noticed as she shook her head that not one hair dared to drop out of the tight bun she wore it in. Completely random thought I know but that's me at times. "That is the most common but it can happen after any traumatic event. It explains most of the problems you're having but we'll discuss this in our next session. As for today I did promise you that you could leave early."

I unfolded myself from the chair and headed over to her desk to retrieve the prescription. I might have had some questions but the need to leave out weighed them right now. While I stood there trying to make out her chicken scratch she handed me a brochure. "This is the Autumn House. It's a place children and teens can go to help deal with the grief of losing a loved one. The group therapy session I would like you to attend is on Wednesday nights. I will call the counselor to let them know you'll be joining them starting this Wednesday."

_Grrrreeeaaat. _"Yeah sure, okay." I said taking the material from her. I wasn't thrilled to be going but I was beginning to tire of living my half life. Isn't that why I hadn't fought harder to keep from coming here in the first place? Dr. Glenanne had given me a reason to live again. I would do it to spite Eric. He would want me to be a broken shell easily manipulated when he came back. And he would be back if the police didn't find him soon. I had been the first thing in his life he had wanted and couldn't keep. No way would that be sitting well with him. He would do what he had to no matter the consequences, he had already proven that.

A cold chill raced down my spine as I said my goodbyes to Dr. Glenanne and made my way out to the jeep. I stopped and looked around as the feeling of being watched washed over me. No one was out of place let alone paying attention to me. Mentally I shook myself. _Get a grip. You're not a paranoid nut yet._

Climbing in the jeep I threw my hair up in a sloppy ponytail cause it just blew around in my face otherwise. Good Lord I had agreed to a group therapy session. _What the hell had I been thinking? _I groaned aloud at the thought. _Too late now sucker._ I thought as I put the jeep into gear and headed home. I was just hoped like hell that it wasn't going to end up being too freakin lame.


	6. Grief 101

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews! As you can see it made the Muse pick up the pace a little and get another post done sooner then I thought!**

Today is my first day of the group grief counseling. To say that I'm less than thrilled about this would be an understatement. I know I say that a lot but seriously it's true. I'm really not into talking about my feelings and crap to strangers. _They're going through similar situations._ Yeah right. I highly doubt that anyone else has had an ex brutally murder their parents. _If you don't do this Eric wins._

Gritting my teeth I force myself out of the jeep. There is nothing fancy about this place. It's an old Victorian looking house that's been converted into a business. It looks homey and inviting from the outside. I'm guessing they did it on purpose to calm the nerves of whack jobs like me. Well its kinda working, I feel a little less likely to bolt at any second.

Pressing the intercom I say who I am and wait for the little buzzing noise that lets me know that they've decided I look like I need help. A beautiful girl I would guess about my age is the one to greet me. I'm not real good at describing people so bare with me. I'm guessing she's about 5'7" with long blonde wavy hair that shines like she brushes it like a million times a day. She of course has baby blues, perfect white teeth and a body a model would die for. I think she's in the wrong place, Hollywood is south. Is anyone in Forks average? I mean really. First Bella now this chic? _Wow am I bitchy or what?_

"Hi. You must be Renesmee. My name is Rachel. It's so nice to meet you." OMG. She's so bubbly I think I want to kill myself. Only it's not like faked, it's genuine. She really is happy to meet me. _Werid._

"Uhh. Hey. Nice to meet you too." And there go my hands into my back pockets. Yeah I know my mom is screaming at me to like shake hands and stuff but so not going down right now.

"Dave is waiting for us in the main room. I think just about everyone is here so we'll probably get started." Again she's so warm and friendly I'm feeling like a real bitch over here, either that or the world's biggest ice queen. As she turns and heads down the hall my ugly green monster raises it's head. _My ass would never look that cute in skin tight jeans._ Yep, total bitch over here.

"Cool." I know its lame but what the hell am I supposed to say? So I follow Barbie, er…I mean Rachel into what had to be some huge ass formal entertaining room or something back in the day. Now it's painted in warm earth tones and filled with couches and overstuffed chairs. A huge wall mounted TV is on the far wall which all the chairs and couches are faced towards. There is one chair sitting below it, facing the other chairs. I'm guessing the late twenties something guy sitting in it is Dave.

"You must be Renesmee." As soon as he says it all ten heads that hadn't know I'd arrived swiveled around to stare at me. I want to die. I want the floor to open up and swallow me, anything to get out from under their attention. I force a fake smile and try to talk but nothing comes out.

Rachel however saves my sorry ass. "Yep but I think she's a little on the shy side." What she does next stuns me. She loops her arm through mine like we're bffs and walks me over to an oversize love seat. We sit down and the class starts. I'm thoroughly thankful for Rachel. I had been frozen in the spot I was standing in. Without her dragging me I'm not sure I would have moved.

When they put in some kind of video I take the chance to express my gratitude. "Hey thanks Rachel. You saved my ass from embarrassment."

She smirked over at me, "No prob. You just owe me." So Barbie had a slightly sarcastic side, nice to know. Maybe I wouldn't hate her after all.

I tried watching the video, really I did but good Lord could they show one that wasn't made in 1980? Leaning towards Rachel I whispered. "They always this lame?"

She laughed softly, neither of us wanting to get caught. "Unfortunately."

Dave gave us the 'shut it' look as he cleared his throat.

"Busted."

We both snickered which only earned us a verbal warning from Dave. "Ladies." It wasn't easy but we somehow remained quiet for the rest of the movie.

When it was over Dave had us pair up to discuss what we thought the message in the video was. We would then share our ideas in a group setting. This I suppose is how it normally went down. Did I mention I hate the whole picking partners thing? I'm always the last picked, ALWAYS. So you can imagine my surprise when the guy sitting in the couch beside me turned and smiled at me.

"Hey beautiful. Need a partner?" I guess most girls would be jumping for joy that they were noticed by him. He was what you would call classically handsome I guess. Chin length brown hair, green eyes that were a shade darker than mine and a perfect smile complete with dimple, made up mystery man. Too bad for him I was not most girls.

Again before I could say anything Rachel chimed in. "A. She's already got a partner, namely me. And b, she'd see through your bullshit in about three seconds flat Will."

"It would have been the best three seconds of her life." He replied with a smirk and a wink. Wow Mr. Cocky really did think he was God's gift to women. Poor delusional fool.

I tried to hold my tongue, really I did but I hate arrogant assholes like him. "Is that what you're normally told? It was the best three seconds of her life?" He sat there someone stunned as Rachel barely restrained her laughter. "I mean, damn, I wouldn't be putting that out there or like at least make it thirty seconds or something. I mean that's not even worth getting naked for."

Rachel burst out laughing as Mr. Cocky turned bright red. I couldn't tell if it was from embarrassment or anger but either way it got him to turn away from me.

It took her a minute or so to get control of herself but Rachel finally did regain her composure. "That was freakin hilarious! I can't remember the last time Will got shut down soooo….efficiently."

I bowed to her with a flourish and a huge grin. Is it weird that my face hurt from smiling? _Yeah, probably. _"Glad I could be of service."

Rachel shook her head laughing. "You're a nut."

I shrugged. "Isn't that kinda why we're all here?"

Rachel rolled her eyes at me all overly dramatic like. "Speak for yourself."

I smiled back at her and for once it was almost real. "Always do."

The rest of the session went pretty straight forward. Turns out cancer seemed to be the big killer in the group. There were twin girls that lost their mother to breast cancer about three years ago. Another person's dad died from colon cancer and the youngest person here had just lost their father from lung cancer. Will's dad was shot during a home invasion. There were three parents lost due to accidents, one of them being Rachel's mom. Her mom had been hit and killed by a drunk driver on the way home from working at the hospital graveyard shift. The last two were a brother sister duo that were probably the worse off by far. Their father had killed their mother in a drunken rage and then turned the gun on himself. _Oh God. _It was finally my turn…

I swallowed the lump in my throat as all eyes turned to me. I didn't want to do this. _Please God don't make me do this. _Too bad God had stopped listening to me a while reached over and gave my hand the quickest squeeze. It was an unspoken 'I got your back' and for some unknown reason I believed her. Maybe it was because I heard my own voice coming out of her mouth when she had spoken about her mother. The circumstances might be different but our pain was the same. We had something in common, a bond most people our age wouldn't be able to grasp. As I sat there I could swear that I felt the binds of that bond weaving between us.

Clearing my throat I stared at the now black t.v. monitor. It was a hell of a lot easier to focus on that then the faces watching my every move. My voice trembled as I spoke. "Hi I'm ahhhh…Renesmee Swan. My parents died a little over two months ago now. They were killed by my ex boyfriend…" My voice broke and I just couldn't go on. Everything hurts more when you have to say it aloud and boy did it hurt right now. It hurt so freakin bad I swear I couldn't breathe. I knew I was sucking in air, but my lungs somehow weren't getting it. Suddenly my vision became blurry and I cursed my lack of discipline. "Fucking hell. Not again." I muttered under my breath.

Without asking Rachel put her arm around my shoulders and hugged me to her side. Dave had everyone give me a round of applause for having the courage to talk about it. "You'll cry a lot in the beginning but it gets better with time." Rachel whispered as she squeezed my shoulders on last time and let go.

"I sure as hell hope so." I sniffled as I wiped away the offending tears that had leaked out of my traitorous eyes, messing up my makeup. _Waterproof mascara my ass._

An hour later I was leaving my first session and I hated to admit it but I did feel slightly better. Charlie would be pleased when he found out. Add to it that I had made friends with Rachel Weston, who turned out to be the mayor's only child and we might be going out for dinner. According to her Charlie and her dad were friendly. I think her dad is a little too 'richy' for Charlie to be real friends with. But they liked and respected each other, so it should get Charlie off my back for a little while at least.

I sighed as I opened the door to the jeep. _Now to go home and write in my journal._ Yeah you heard right, a journal. I guess it's a big part of coping or something. Dave had given me a journal like everyone else in the class already had and I was to make nightly entries about my day. I was to write about my challenges and how I handled them. But more than that my successes and anything else that was important to me. _Just my luck that I would find homework to do in the summer time._ Oh well, I guess all in all it wasn't that bad for my first day at what I like to call Grief 101.


	7. Innocent Liars

"Come on Kat live a little would ya?" Rachel huffed as she flopped down on my bed. Kat is Rachel's nickname for me. She says I remind her of Kat Von D with the dyed black hair, tattoos and piercings or whatever. It's cool cause I call her Barbie cause well yeah. If you saw her you would get it. She totally looks like one I swear.

Right now she's trying to convince me that I should lie to Charlie. "I don't want to lie to Charlie." And I meant it. He had been good to me since I came here over two months ago. Life was barreling past me at a blinding speed. I couldn't believe it had been a month since I first met Rachel at grief counseling.

It turned out that while we might look like we'd have nothing in common we were so alike it was scary. Much to Charlie's delight we were practically inseparable now. If I wasn't at her house, she was at mine. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't suicidal anymore either. I guess this is what being 'okay' feels like. I may smile and laugh now but there was still a huge void in my heart that ached daily to remind me I wasn't whole. It seemed true happiness was still just out of reach for me. So I was settling for this feeling of okay.

Rachel flipped onto her back with a dramatic sigh. "You're not lying. You will be spending the weekend with me. We just won't be, ya know, at my house. Which if phrased properly will keep you from lying all together."

I laughed as I sat Indian style on my desk chair. "That's called a lie by omission."

Rachel waved away my logic. "Just live a little for crying out loud! Besides you should see these La Push boys!" She fanned herself as she let out a low whistle. "Hawtness for real."

I rolled my eyes at her as I answered flippantly. "Like I would care."

She was trying to convince me to go to La Push for the weekend with her. Seems she had landed herself an older man by the name of Paul. The only thing is that daddy didn't approve so they were keeping things on the dl until she turned 18. That was partly why she needed me to lie. I was to say I was staying with her this weekend and she would say she was staying with me. In reality she wanted us to go and spend the weekend at Paul's house.

Rachel snorted. "Last time I knew you didn't play for the other team." When I rolled my eyes she continued. "Hello. Hot buff guys half naked! What's wrong with you? At least go enjoy the eye candy."

Okay that slightly got my attention. I mean I was feeling a little bit more like my old self lately. "Half naked? Why on earth are they half naked?"

She wiggled her brows at me. "What can I say those La Push boys run a little hotter than most men?"

I rolled my eyes. "You're such a dork."

I watched the laughter leave her face only to be replaced with sadness. "Please Kat? I haven't seen Paul in over two weeks. I can't pass up the chance to spend an entire weekend with him."

And there was a sucker punch to the gut. I wonder if those puppy dog eyes worked on Paul cause they were sure as hell working on me. "Fine but I'm going to be miserable the entire time."

Rachel jumped up off the bed and bum rushed me in a huge hug. "YOU'RE THE BEST FRIEND EVER!" I had to cover my ears to shield them from her squealing. "You're going to have fun I swear! We can chill at the beach, do a little cliff diving, hiking…"

I gave her the 'ya sure' look. "Who are you trying to kid? You're going to be all lovely dovey with Paul." I did my best to sound disgusted. Cause yeah I had a feeling that I would be feeling just that if I saw them together.

She shrugged grinning like the cat that ate the canary. "When you see him you won't blame me." Grabbing my duffle she tossed it at me. "Now get packed already."

A half hour later we were heading down the road, only after I had called and cleared the way with Charlie of course. The way to La Push was longer then I thought. It felt as though I was leaving something behind. My skin broke out in goose bumps the closer we got to it. Something was going to happen, I was sure of it. _Nothing is going to be the same. _My heart started racing with a strange rush of energy. _This isn't normal. Am I having a heart attack?_

Rachel glanced over at me as the small homes that make up La Push started to come into view. "Are you okay?"

I frowned rubbing my arms. _Man my hands are clammy. _I couldn't shake the feeling of…something. It was almost like the feeling you get on Christmas Eve when you're a kid. Anticipation maybe? Is that what I'm feeling? I was used to feeling anxiety not anticipation. "I don't know. I feel…weird."

"Weird as in physically sick weird or fainting weird? Cause there is NO getting sick in the Subaru." True to her nature she tried to make light of something that had me weirded out enough for her to notice.

I raised my slightly shaking hand to my heart. "I promise not to defile the Subaru."

Rachel nodded grinning slightly. "Damn straight you won't."

To say I wasn't shocked when she brought the car to a stop would be a lie. It was a small home, nothing fancy. It was what us city folk would have called a shack if I was being honest. Now I did understand why daddy wouldn't approve. This would in no way be good enough for his little girl. "Oh my God..." I breathed as five half naked men broke through the tree line on my right. I was speechless, totally speechless.

"Was I right or was I right?" Rachel's tone of voice let me know she thought she was right.

I scanned each one over starting with the one on the right. He held the air of authority with him and I had no doubt he was the one in charge. The one beside him was of average build, the middle was a little taller than the other and more defined. The third one came all but running to the car much to the teasing of his buddies. I was guessing he had to be Paul. The other two in the group seemed slightly younger. One was tall and skinny the other short and stocky. All five of them didn't seem to have an ounce of fat on them, lucky bastards.

Rachel got out of the car like it was fire and raced into Paul's arms. There was squealing as he lifted and swung her around. She was so happy I felt like a voyeur sitting here watching. I turned my head to look out the window saving myself the aching pain that came from watching the happy couple. Slowly a figure emerged from the woods. It was another half naked man. He moved with the grace they all seemed to have but that wasn't what had my attention. Glorious well toned muscles moved under his tan skin. He had short black hair but I couldn't see the color of his eyes from my point of view. I really couldn't see a whole lot about him. One thing was obvious though, he wasn't happy. His handsome face was twisted into a scowl.

The insane part of me begged for him to look my way. I wanted him to see me. _How insane is that? _But he of course didn't. He stood with his back to me talking to the two younger guys. From their body language I was guessing they were all friends. _Look at me. _Fear and a sense of urgency welled up until I thought I might start to hyperventilate. "Please." I whispered aloud as I turned towards mystery man, my hand resting on the door.

As if hearing me he turned first to look at Paul and Rachel, then slowly he turned towards the car. My breath caught in my throat as the intense anger in his brown eyes seared me. He looked angry but the deeper I looked I could see the agony hidden beneath the anger. Something bad had happened to him, and like me he'd have scars to show for it. Instinctively I reached out to what? Comfort him? A complete stranger? _I've officially lost it. _

I was so engrossed by him that I all but jumped out of my skin when suddenly Rachel was all I could see. "Are you going to hide in there all day?"

I rolled the window down slightly. "Oh. Uhhhh, sorry. I um, got distracted or something."

Rachel looked over her shoulder then back to me smiling. "Looking to make new friends are we?"

I snorted even though I was sure I was blushing like hell. "Shut the hell up."

"You know I could have Paul invite them over. Or even better we can go hang at Sam's. That's normally where the group chills."

My eyes turned into saucers. "Yeah. NO. I'm good. But I wouldn't mind knowing who everyone is."

Rachel raised her brow but didn't ask which one I wanted to know about. That would be later when we were on the way home I'm sure. "Well obviously the hottest guy in the group is Paul, who is currently talking to Sam and Jared."

I looked over to where Paul and the one I assumed was Sam were standing talking. There was another guy, the average one, sitting on a tree stump. I guessed that was Jared. "Jared's the one sitting?"

Rachel answered without taking her eyes off Paul. "Mmmhmm."

"And the other three?" I asked in a flippant tone. Well that's what I was hoping it sounded like. I really just wanted to ask about the mystery guy but that would open a can of worms I didn't want to deal with.

We both looked over to where the other group had been standing; only now it was just the short stocky one and the skinny one. My distraction had obviously pulled a Criss Angel. For some insane reason I felt deflated. The excitement I had been feeling just a second ago was now lost.

"That" she said in a conspiratorial tone as she turned back to look at me grinning, "is Embry and Quil. Quil is taken but Embry is still single."

"Ohhhh no. I know that tone. No trying to hook me up!" _Unless it's with mystery guy. _Where is this coming from? This is sooo not me. I don't go gaga over a guy, not even with….I swallowed hard, Eric.

Rachel feigned shock and utter disbelief well. "I would NEVER think of doing such a thing! How could you even think that?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "Uh huh, yeah sure."

Just then Paul called out. "Babe?"

Rachel's entire face light up. "We'll be right in. Why don't you and Embry go in awhile?"

She did NOT just do that! I gritted my teeth as I watched all of the men turn to look at her and me. Quil clapped his hand on Embry's shoulder a huge smart ass grin on his face before turning and jogging off. "I'm going to hurt you." I mumbled under my breath as I watched Paul and Embry head in.

"You're going to thank me." You couldn't have gotten her smile off with a sander. Boy was she enjoying this too much. I was going to get her back if it was the last thing I did.

"Don't hold your breath Barbie." I replied with more than a little venom in my voice.

True to her nature Rachel just laughed at me. "I won't. Now come on. It's time for you to make some new friends." Grabbing a hold of my hand she started to pull me towards the house.

I groaned but let her drag me towards the house. Today, if nothing else, would be interesting.


	8. The Disastrous Luck of Green Monsteritis

**Author's Note: OMG. I LOVE YOU GUYS! I want to thank everyone who's left a review: ****banananasbff123; ****luv2beloved****; ****kmddeprez1122****; ; ****MrsEmCullen.x****; ****FadingEmotion****; ****DevilsAnimeAngel****; ****chlo12****; ****Distracted procrastination**** & ****.xox****. I think that's everyone, if not please forgive me! Your comments keep the muse talking which leads to more story sooner. I honestly don't know if I would have had this much done without all of you so THANKS! Now on to chapter 8…**

_I'm going to kill Rach if it's the last thing I do._ Yeah I'm a little less then pleased with her right now. I'm stuck in La Push as miserable as I told her I would be. Okay things aren't _REALLY_ that bad but yeah. I'm currently sitting on the beach feeling like a voyeur yet again.

Barbie is currently being chased by Ken in full squealing giggling girl mode. I watch as Paul grabs her and she flings her head back laughing when he spins her around and I almost want to hurl. I so hate mushy couples. Okay maybe it's more like I envy them. They're so happy and in love it causes the void in my heart to throb with its never ending ache.

Paul's love and complete devotion is in his eyes for anyone to see. I have half a mind to tell Rach just to let her dad see the two of them together. He'd only needed to watch them together for a minute to realize he was watching the man who just might love his daughter more than him.

_I want that._ I dropped my eyes from the painful sight at the thought. I did not have the right to that anymore. Dr. Glenanne said that I did, but I wasn't buying it. It was one of the major 'issues' I was having trouble coming to terms with. But she wasn't giving up, much to my dismay. She was aiming for 'happy' while I was aiming for 'okay'.

Two large, obviously male feet came into my line of vision. "Mind if I sit down?"

I shrugged. "It's more your beach then mine, knock yourself out."

The guy named Embry sat on the rock next to me smiling like I had said 'yes please I would love it!' "If by mine you mean it belongs to the Quilette people, then yeah you're right."

I think he was waiting for some kind of response but I really didn't have one. Instead I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. It's something I do when I'm uncomfortable and holy hell was I uncomfortable now. My eyes wandered over to Paul and Rachel and immediately the uncomfortable feeling got worse. It was like they were oblivious to everyone and everything around them. She was as lost in him as he was in her. I felt like some kind of pervert just from watching them even though they were doing nothing but standing with their arms around each other. "They always like this?"

Embry raised his eyes to Paul and Rachel and groaned. "No. They're usually worse."

Yikes. Worse? How could it be worse? I felt suddenly very sorry for him and everyone else that had to witness it . "Sucks to be you then. You have my pity."

Embry laughed and the sound tugged on my lips enough that I almost smiled. "You have no idea how bad it is to be me or any of the guys when she's around."

"Sorry?" What else could I say? I know I would hate to watch this all the time but then again it was because I was envious. Yes I can admit it. I suffer from green mosteritis at times, like now.

It was Embry's turn to shrug his large shoulders. Did I mention that he was shirtless? It seems that ALL of the young guys in the uhhh tribe went shirtless. "It's not that bad. I'm just glad he's finally found the person who can make him happy."

We both turned to look at them and I honest to God blushed at the sight. Things had heated up for the two and yeah let's just say normal PDA's had nothing on them. I really couldn't sit here and watch this but I also wasn't bitchy enough to stomp on Rach's happiness. So I did the only thing I could think of. "So you want to like go for a walk or something?"

Embry practically jumped off his rock. "Sure."

I looked around, "Coolness." _I shouldn't have said anything._ His entire face had light up when I asked. _Poor boy is reading into things._ I should set him straight but I really wanted to get out of here. A little space between me and the happy couple was a severe must for my mental health.

Embry bent over and gestured for me to walk ahead of him. I stood and dusted my butt off but stopped beside him. I after all had no idea of where to go. Embry got the hint and started to walk away from Paul and Rachel. We walked for a few minutes in silence until my curiosity got the best of me. "So you guys are all pretty close huh?"

Embry turned to look at me navigating the beach without looking at where he was going. _Wish I could do that._ "We're like brothers." The smile in his voice said everything and again the jealous green monster poked out its head. I quickly squashed it before it was obvious, or at least that's what I hoped.

"That's cool. So you're all like bffs?" I was going for mildly interested, not too much not too little. I really wanted to know about mystery guy but how to bring it up without being obvious?

Embry reached for my hand to help me walk across some slippery rocks. Usually I wouldn't take it but I thought maybe it would help my angle a little. Well that and I could be clumsy and these shoes were kind of slippery to begin with. Maybe that would keep me from going to hell? So with my conscious gilt tripping me full force I take his hand and give him my fake ass smile. Good thing is that he doesn't know me well enough to see through it.

He took my hand without pause and I couldn't help but notice how warm and strong he was. I had a feeling he was much stronger then he looked. "Well that would be Quil and Jake. I think you might have seen them earlier."

Jake, that was his name. My stomach did this weird thing, almost like a flip. _What the hell is my problem? He's just a freakin guy and it's just a freakin name. Holy hell you're losing it Renesmee._ "Yeah but the one, I think it was Jake, took off right?"

Embry nodded. "Yeah, Jake isn't real social anymore. But if you had met him PB I bet you would have liked him."

Peanut butter? What was wrong with peanut butter? My brows creased as I tried to figure out the PB mystery. Deciding just to sound like a moron I put that thought into words. "Peanut butter?"

Embry laughed hard. "No. PB stands for pre Bella."

"She messed him up good?" My voice just had the slightest breathy note to it. I was proud you couldn't tell I was panicking on the inside. The thought of him with another girl made my stomach plummet. _I'm officially a nutcase._

Embry let his hand drop away from mine to pick up a rock and chuck it into the water. He wasn't happy to be talking about his friend's business like this but he was glad I was talking. At least that's the vibe I was picking up. If I was a good person I would let him out of the question, but I wasn't a good person lately. I'm going to hell, remember? "Yeah. He's not been the same since she ripped his heart out and stomped on it."

We started walking over the rocks again, this time back towards the happy couple. Guess I had crossed some sort of line. But still I couldn't stop myself from asking the next question. "What did she do?"

Embry tensed slightly. Obviously his conscious was getting the better of him. "It's not really a secret but I don't want to air his business. Let's just say he was on the losing end of a love triangle."

_Oh God. Please don't let it be the same Bella._ _Please please please not my cousin. _"Can I ask you one more question?" I shamefully admit it, but I batted my lashes slightly and tried to flirt.

It must have worked at least a little cause his frown gave way to a smile. "Yes but I might not answer it."

I nodded, "fair enough." I waited until we had started to walk again before I took a deep breath preparing myself for the answer I was sure was coming. "This Bella, was her last name Swan?"

Whatever he had been expecting that wasn't it. His head cocked to the side slightly fully surprised. "You know her?"

Just then my foot slipped on a slippery death stone and I went tumbling backwards towards more of its sharp evil friends. A yelp left my lips as I fell causing Embry to spin around. He was too late to do anything but watch my lesson on gravity. Pain rocketed through my body as I fell down on those stupid hard little pieces of earth. No doubt I would have a ton of bruises tomorrow. But that wasn't my biggest problem. Right now I needed to remember how to breathe.

Embry's worried face came into view, "are you okay?" No sooner had he asked then I felt myself getting lifted off the ground. He cradled me to his chest and I didn't fight him. I should have been but holy shit was I in pain. Not only that but I was seeing stars. Maybe I had hit my head? I wasn't sure, it had happened so fast.

"I'm fine just banged up a little." I mumbled as he all but ran back to where we had left Paul and Rachel.

I swear I heard Embry snort like he didn't believe me.

I knew the moment Rachel saw me. "Oh my God. Kat? What the hell happened Em?"

"We were walking over the rocks and she lost her balance and fell. I swear." His voice was apologetic and held the tiniest thread of fear, like he was worried about getting in trouble for hurting me.

Gentle fingers probed my arms and legs. "Well we've got to get her cleaned up. Let's go back to the house."

They started to walk back towards Paul's house and I struggled in Embry's arms. "I can walk."

Embry started to protest but Rachel cut him off with a sigh. "Save your breath and put her down. She has to learn the hard way."

Without another word Embry put me down. I was going to show them who had to learn the hard way. I smirked as I took a step away from where Embry stood ready to catch me. The smirk lasted all of a second before the world started to tilt. Next thing I knew I was back in Embry's arms being carried to the house.

I laid my head on his shoulder deciding I had had enough embarrassment for one day. Besides my head was starting to freakin pound. _Oh God he's in love with Bella. He's in love with my COUSIN Bella. _I groaned. _Just my freakin luck._

Embry shifted me carefully in his arms mistaking my groan for something he did. "Sorry."

I tried to make him understand he wasn't doing anything wrong. "It's not you. It's me. I'm a moron."

Embry smiled down at me. "I doubt that."

It was my turn to snort. _Shows how much he doesn't know me._

We both stayed silent for the little time it took to get back to Paul's. As soon as we got to the house all my cuts and scrapes were cleaned like I was in some disease riddled village. Yeah Rach was kinda a germ freak at times. But I loved her for ordering the boys out of the house as soon as I was settled on the couch. _Man_ _the stuff she was using to clean the cuts freakin burned._

"You're such a clutz Kat." Rachel clucked at me as she finished bandaging my cuts.

"Whatever. I was caught off guard." I said moving my arm away from her.

Rachel sat on the couch beside me. "Uh huh. Spill. What in the world did Embry do?"

I looked right at her accusing her when I knew I didn't have the right. "Just filling me in about the love triangle my cousin was involved in."

She shrugged. "Oh yeah the whole Jacob, Bella, Edward thing." I saw her mind churning trying to figure out why I would care. When her eyes narrowed on me I got scared. "You like Jake."

I rolled my eyes at her. "I've never even met him."

Rachel crossed her arms over her chest. "But you saw him."

"Yeah and?" I replied sounding thoroughly bored and unimpressed.

"You like him." She replied grinning.

I rolled my eyes again. "I do not."

"You liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike him." She replied in a sing song voice.

"You're impossible." I grumbled at her.

"I could arrange for you to 'meet' him." She offered still smiling so wide I thought her face would crack. I on the other hand was mortified. He had seen me and bolted. I didn't do that well with rejection up close and personal right now. Not that I wanted to start anything or anything. _Shit._

"No. Absolutely not. Not interested." I was using my 'I mean business' voice.

Rachel just smiled at me all mischievous like. "Never mind I wouldn't dare go against you."

I threw a pillow at her. "Go away I want a nap."

Rachel laughed at me. "Whatever you say Oscar. I'm going to go check in with Paul and Embry then I'll be back."

Carefully I moved onto my side so that my back faced everything and everyone. Reaching back I waved her off. "Yeah yeah." The last thing I heard was Rachel's laughter and the sound of the screen door shutting. _He was in love with my cousin_. I groaned. Can we say horrible taste in men? I sure as hell can. First a psycho and now a guy who was in love with not only another woman, but my COUSIN! _God do I know how to pick them or what? _A deep pathetic sigh left my chest. _This weekend is totally going to suck._


	9. Unbelievably Everything

**Author's Note: You'll see that this chapter is written from Jake's POV. Now he's not exactly the Jake you might expect but I love him and hopefully you will too! Just wanted to say thanks to luv2beloved for Beta-ing (wow I think I just made up a new word! lol) this chapter along with my bff who doesn't belong to ff. Happy reading all!**

My phone went off and I resisted the urge to crush it. Carrie was getting on my last nerve. I told her I was fucking busy today. _Women never listen. _

I took the towel from around my waist and dried my short black hair. Thank the gods above that I had the house to myself for once. Dad was up at the Clearwater's. Sue and he had started something up after Harry's death. More power to him. Old man needed someone to look after him since I was doing a shitty ass job.

I pulled on boxer briefs, cut off jean shorts, a plain white tee and was ready. Wish I could just go as a fucking wolf today. God knows just about everyone was tired of my attitude. The whole hearing each other's thoughts can be a real bitch at times.

My phone went off again and I looked at the number. Yep. Carrie. What part of I'm busy didn't this female get? I needed to cut her loose. Better to be alone then deal with some needy girl. If I was being honest I didn't even like her that much. I mean shit the sex was good but other than that she was okay at best.

She was just the typical girly girl. Into shopping and getting her nails done and all that shit girls do. She was nothing like…her. Fuck, a year later and I'm still pining over some girl. I ran a hand down over my face. Who was I kidding? Bella was never just some girl to me.

Just thinking her name turned my heart into a knife cushion. I say knife cushion cause pins wouldn't hurt this much. I had been fighting for her, was close to winning when that bloodsucker Victoria had gotten to her. I swear Edward had let that bitch bite her. He wanted everyone to think him noble but I knew the truth. The bastard had seen that as his chance to have Bella forever without breaking the treaty. To make things worse **he **got to kill Victoria while I had ended up suffering alone with half a body of broken bones. _Fucking Leah._

Truth is if I had been protecting Bella she'd still be human. As it was she was now my mortal enemy, but fuck, I still loved her. I can't ever see there being a day when I didn't. Not that I wasn't trying now, but I had stayed loyal to her even after she changed. I had foolishly stayed her Jake until the day she married **him**.

The Jake she knew and loved had died that day getting replaced with whoever the fuck I am now. I left for awhile thinking that was best but fuck if I wasn't pathetic enough to need to see her. So I came back. But I couldn't stand to be alone while she was living her happily ever after in the fucking Cullen house.

Six months ago I had gone looking for 'the one' only I realized that it wasn't meant for me. Evidently Paul, Sam, and Quil could imprint but fuck if I wasn't stuck wanting a girl I could never have. So I had settled for Rachel's friend Carrie. We've been dating for about two months now and it was okay. But she wasn't Bella. No one would ever be my Bella.

The need for a run was pressing me hard but I knew Embry was due here any minute. Rachel was trying to fix the poor bastard up with her newest friend. With the current way things were going he was bound to imprint on her.

I heard Embry approaching long before he called out. "Jake you ready?"

As I turn around I see he's already standing in the door way of my room. "If I say no will you leave without me?"

Embry shook his head. "You got to snap out of this man."

I crossed my arms over my chest going into full defensive mode. I knew where this was going and I wasn't happy about it. "Don't fucking go there."

Embry pushed off the door frame his own arms crossing over his chest. He was going there. "It's been a year man. You need to let her go."

My hands balled into fists as my anger began to rise. "It's not that easy."

I watched as the anger left Embry's body and was replaced with fuck…pity. I hated that look and was fucking tired of seeing it in everyone's eyes when they looked at me. "I know but you've got Carrie now. She's.." Embry paused searching for the right word for her. "hot."

Well he was right. Carrie was hot but that's about all she had going for her. All she cared about was shopping, partying, and gossiping. She didn't like coming out here to see me and she sure as hell hated being outdoors unless she was working on her tan. Even then she bitched about it being too hot. I wanted to tell her to try being 108 degrees by nature but of course I couldn't say anything even close to that. "So were we right? Rachel's trying to play match maker again?" I didn't want to talk about Carrie anymore so I purposely changed the subject.

Embry laughed. "When isn't she?" He sounded slightly annoyed but I knew he wasn't. It was hard to get mad at a girl who made our brother Paul so happy. She meant well, we all knew that, didn't stop us from wanting her to stop though.

"True." I replied returning his smile. "We should probably head out before she starts calling."

Embry fished his phone out of his pocket. "Too late." He opened the phone so he could read the text. "We're supposed to head over to Paul's first. Guess they need help carrying stuff or something." I raised a brow and Embry shrugged. "It's what it says."

The hair on my skin stood up as my gut churned. I had the feeling that something was up. "I believe you, but damn how much is she taking?" We turned and started to head over to Paul's. " We're just chillin' on the beach, right?"

Again Embry shrugged. "Far as I know."

There was something he wanted to talk about but my less then friendly welcome had him keeping his yap shut. I could guess what it was. He did just spend the entire day yesterday with the new girl. "So what's she like?"

Embry smiled so wide I thought his face was going to break. "She's actually really cool once you get her to talk."

"She's shy?" I couldn't believe Rachel could be friends with anyone that was shy.

"Nah, she doesn't like people all that much."

I nodded. I hadn't even met her yet but I was already curious. What could happen to make her shy away from people? And did I want my best friend to get messed up with a girl that was damaged? I knew firsthand what could happen if he did. _Fuck._ What if he had imprinted on her? "You imprint?"

His face fell a little and I knew the answer. "No but I like her."

I clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Then I hope it works out for you man." I meant it. I wanted him to be happy. He was having the roughest time with being a werewolf. He was always getting in trouble with his mom. Since she didn't know about the existence of werewolves, she thought Embry was sneaking out every night and just refused to tell her where he went and what he was doing.

"Thanks." He didn't look at me when he spoke but I could hear he appreciated it by his tone. "Can I ask a favor Jake?"

I removed my hand from his shoulder. He was worried about something, almost afraid. "Yeah."

I watched Embry swallow hard. "Can you just, ya know, be on your best behavior?"

He meant not be an asshole to the new girl. I gritted my teeth in frustration. I hadn't gotten that fucking bad. I was only an asshole to people who deserved it, namely Edward Cullen or any of those blood sucking leeches. _All but one._ Frustration at my own pathetic hang up had me wanting to break something again.With effort I swallowed it. "I promise not to run her off, ok?"

"Thanks."

We walked in silence for a little while due mostly to my quiet fuming. I decided to try and make it better. "So is she pretty?"

Embry looked over at me. "You saw her."

I looked at him confused. I would remember meeting someone new. "No I haven't."

"Yeah you did. She was at Paul's yesterday."

My brow knitted as I tried to think back. Had I somehow forgotten her in my hurry to get home? No. No way had I missed someone new. "Where?"

A small sigh left Embry. They all thought I was less observant now a days. "She was in the car. I thought you looked right at her."

Now it made sense. "There was glare on the window. I couldn't see a damn thing inside it, let alone realize someone was in it."

"Oh. Well then yeah she's pretty. Though not in the typical sense of the word."

I wanted to ask what he meant by that but I couldn't, we were at Paul's. I followed Embry into the house and was immediately greeted with the sight of Paul and Rachel making out on the couch. "You had us come over so you could blind us?"

Rachel threw a pillow at my head which I easily ducked. "You're just jealous Jake."

I snorted as Paul laughed. "Of Paul? Never."

"Just keep denying it pup." Paul replied grinning. I wanted to remind him that I had chosen to let Sam be Alpha. I wasn't anyone's pup. Not by a long shot.

I was about to respond when I heard the most beautiful female voice carry down the stairs. "Are you sure this is the only other swimsuit you brought with you? I swear I'm going to fall out of it!"

We all turned to look where the voice had come from but it was Rachel who got up and walked to the stairs. "You look fine now get your skinny ass down here."

There was a very unfeminine snort that followed Rachel's comment. "My ass is a lot of things, skinny isn't one of them."

Rachel sighed. "Would you stop being dramatic and just get down here already!"

"I so hate you for this." Was mumbled before footsteps started down the stairs.

Rachel laughed, "yeah, yeah, yeah."

I looked over Embry and he was smiling already. He hadn't even seen her yet. I remembered that feeling. He was in so much trouble. "Hey Renesmee."

I turned when Embry spoke and then stopped. The world tilted the moment I saw her. Tilted and then stopped. Someone was talking but I couldn't hear them. I was starring into the eyes of forever. I swear I could see the binds that would tie us together knitting into one as I stood motionless. The girl was all I could see, all I would ever need. She is the answer to every question ever asked. My life is no longer mine, it's hers. She is the sun and the moon. My reason for staying on this earth. She is my lifeline. She is everything.

I heard a voice that sounded a whole hell of a lot like Embry's off in the distance. "Oh, hell no, you didn't."


	10. The Pull of Fate

"Are you sure this is the only other swimsuit you brought? I swear I'm going to fall out of it!" I hollered down the stairs as I adjust myself yet again. I'm in some God awful two piece that was barely covering the goods. The only good thing about it was that it was black with skull and crossbones on it. Now granted they were pink but at least the whole thing wasn't pink, or covered in flowers. I shuddered, flowers.

I heard Rachel yell from downstairs. "You look fine now get your skinny ass down here."

I snorted as I looked at said ass. It was bigger than Rachel's and it showed. "My ass is a lot of things, skinny isn't one of them."

Rachel sighed. "Would you stop being dramatic and just get down here already!"

"I'm not being dramatic." I mumble as I stare at my less then 'nice' looking body in the mirror. My ass was too big, my stomach not flat enough for a two piece, my thighs were huge, and I was about to fall out of the tiny top. I was larger breasted then Rachel. She was a cute and perky B while I was a full C. I was going to look even more horrible then I already did when I was standing beside Rachel in this…this…ensemble of torture. "I so hate you for this." I mumbled loud enough for her to hear as I headed over to the stairs. As soon as I could grab a towel it was getting wrapped around me.

I could hear Rachel laughing, "yeah, yeah, yeah."

Taking a deep breath I made my way down the stairs. _It's just Paul and Rachel, calm down. Neither of them cares about how you look._

As I hit the bottom step I froze. It wasn't just Paul and Rachel. Embry was there and it looked like he had brought Jacob. I was guessing because he currently had his back towards me. My palms started to sweat as my heart took flight. "Hey Renesmee."

I forced a smile to my face and returned his greeting. "Hey Embry."

My frantically beating heart froze as Jake turned towards me. _He's gorgeous._ Yes that really is my immediate thought. I'm mesmerized by his dark brown eyes, held captive by the intensity of them as they bore into me. Only something shifts. As I stare back at him, the barely hidden pain in his eyes is replaced by absolute wonder.

"Oh, hell no, you didn't." Embry all but growled but I barely heard him.

I was consumed by the man in front of me. The depth of his gaze felt as though he was seeing into my very soul, every dark stained corner of it and thinking it a thing of beauty. I realized no one was talking. They're all just staring at Jake and me. But as much as I know I should, I can't look away from Jake. In fact it's taking everything I have not to go to him, which is weird. _And scary. _ "Uh hey you must be Jake." When he doesn't answer I wrap my arms around myself, trying to nonchalantly cover myself. He's just staring at me like I'm some kind of weirdo or something. It's more than a little unnerving to a girl like me.

Paul elbowed Jake and it seemed to break whatever spell that had been holding us both captive. "Yeah. You must be Rachel's friend."

He extended his hand and I took it without thinking. Everything slowed. My thoughts, always buzzing in my head, slowed to blissful soft humming. But that's not all; the panic that had been rising into near meltdown territory was gone. I'm calm. _He's even more beautiful up close._ I realize I haven't answered him and am just making a fool of myself. "Yeah. Renesmee." My voice comes out so breathy I should have just kept my big mouth shut. _God that wasn't even a sentence. You twit!_

Just when I think he can't possible get any more appealing, Jake smiles. It softens his eyes and stops my heart. He could ask me for anything right now and I would give it to him. The slamming of a door saves me from whatever the hell is going on. Everyone looks to it and I realize it was Embry leaving. Boy was he pissed for some reason too.

Jake drops my hand like it's covered in acid and mumbles. "Shit." He turns and heads running out the door calling out for his friend. "Embry! Wait up man!"

I stand there like an idiot trying to shake off the effects of whatever the hell had happened to me.

Rachel leaned up kissing Paul. "I'll meet you at the beach." And before I can say WTF, he's out the door too.

I can't believe what just happened. I stand there completely baffled about what just went down. "WTF was that about?"

Rachel shrugged. "Boys being boys. Now come on lets head to the beach. You are in desperate need of color."

I looked down at my chalky white skin and knew she was right. _Too bad I'll only turn into a lobster._ At least then I'll have a reason to stay indoors away from fighting boys. Why in the world had they been fighting anyhow? Jake hadn't done anything wrong. He had just been holding my hand. I brought that very hand to my chest and held it there as a giddy feeling swept through me. Rachel coughed and I stuck my tongue out at her. "Shut Up."

Rachel gave me a knowing smile. "Hey I don't blame you girl. Jake is one hell of a sexy beast."

I crossed my arms over my chest. Rachel's playful comment went right through me. _Oh God was I jealous? _I pretended to be mad at the insinuation of me liking him instead of letting her on to the complete idiocy of my jealousy. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You suck at lying. You know that?" Rachel asked laughing as she gathered her beach bag.

"I was good enough to get us here for the weekend right?" I replied with a smirk as I grabbed my towel and toed on my flip flops.

Rachel held the door open for me with that smart ass grin on her face. "Only because you didn't see Charlie. You can lie over the phone just not in person. Your facial expressions give you away every time."

I snorted as I walked through the door. Rachel quickly fell into step with me. "So who all is going to be there?"

Rachel adjusted her bag on her shoulder. "Well it'll be you, me, Paul, Jared, Kim, Sam, Emily, Quil, Embry, and Jake for sure. I'm sure Seth will show up along with Leah at some point. Although I really wish she would just stay away. She's such a witch I swear."

_Oh God that's a whole lot of people I don't know._ I was panicking already and I haven't even seen any of them. True to her nature Rachel reached out and squeezed my hand. "You'll be fine. Everyone will love you. Jake already does." She winked and I rolled my eyes.

"You're retarded." I snorted but deep down I was speechless. I knew she was just kidding but the butterflies came back with a vengeance. Just the thought of him possibly liking me made this weird energy surge through my system. _I want to see him again._

"You love me." She grinned at me before taking off towards the beach.

I followed her at much slower pace. I was in no hurry to meet new people. I stood at the edge of the beach watching as Rachel hugged the small group of people already hanging out at the beach. Putting my beach bag down, I wrapped my towel securely around myself. If I was going to be meeting new people I wasn't doing it in this stupid bathing suit.

"Come on already Kat. No one here is going to bite." Rachel hollered from her spot on the beach and everyone just looked at her. I had the feeling I was missing some kind of inside joke. _Grrrrreat._

Putting on my big girl panties I headed over to where Rachel stood. I put my stuff down beside her and took in the faces around me. "Everyone this is my best friend Renesmee." Everyone was kind of in a semi circle around a fire which wasn't lit and some coolers and picnic type baskets. To my left was Sam and I'm guessing Emily. She would be stunningly beautiful if it wasn't for the scars on her face, but even with them she was still pretty. "That's Sam and Emily." Rachel pointed to the couple beside Sam and Emily. "That's Jared and Kim." She looked to the shorter bulkier guy that sat on some drift wood beside where Jared and Kim sat. "And that's Quil."

I gave them a pathetic smile and short wave. "Hi."

Emily smiled up at me. "It's nice to meet you Renesmee. We've heard so much about you."

I gave Rachel the 'what the fuck? You've been talking about me?' look. She of course just smiled and shrugged. I looked back at Emily and gave her my fake ass smile. "I hope it was good." _Yeah that was a good response. It's what most people say._

Emily laughed, "Yes it was all good."

I smiled at her before I let my hair fall forward to cover my face. I didn't want to take off my towel but I had to if I wanted to sit down and not get sand in uncomfortable places sand should never be. Carefully I unwrapped myself and spread my towel out. As quickly and gracefully as I could I sat down on it, wrapping my arms around my center to cover what I could.

Rachel rolled her eyes and leaned over to whisper. "You look fine I said."

I was about to make a smart comment when loud male voices drifted over to us. Paul, Embry, and Jake came striding into view. Paul was walking between the two of them. Jake looked guilty while Embry looked pissed off still. Whatever tension that had been between them at the house was slightly better but nowhere near gone.

I expected Paul to sit beside Rachel which he did. I also expected Embry and Jake to sit beside Quil but that didn't happen. Embry did sit beside Quil but Jake took a spot closer to me then his friends. _Great like I wasn't feeling self conscious enough before._

I sat quietly observing everyone as conversation flowed around me. I found myself smiling as I sat there. They were so close they were almost like family. But they couldn't hold my attention for long. Time and again I peeked over beside me. While Jake interacted with his friends I couldn't shake the feeling that he was keenly aware of what I was doing or not doing in this case.

When everyone decided to play football I was the party pooper that sat out. I wasn't much for sports really and I was still adjusting to being around so many new people. This of course had meant there were uneven teams. The last person I expected to volunteer to sit out was Jake, but it was he who sat beside me currently watching the playful game of two hand touch. I still couldn't stop myself from stealing glances. It was during one of my 'peeking' moments when Jake turned to me all smiles. My breath left my lungs as he looked at me. "You're not fat."

I blinked at him, my brain running in a slow hazy pace. "Excuse me?" _Where the hell did that come from?_

His eyes swept over me and I shivered under the intensity of his gaze. "Isn't that why you're sitting like that?"

I looked down at my arms which were indeed wrapped around my middle to hide what I could with them. "Yeah I guess. I'm, ahh, just not use to being this exposed or something."

Jake flashed a set of perfect white pearly whites at me and my heart flipped. "I can help you with that you know."

I raised a brow at him wondering just where this was going. "How?"

Jake winked, actually winked at me. "Like this." Without another word he stood up and pulled the white tee he was wearing over his head. He held it out to me and I just sat there with my mouth on the sand.

To say the boy is well muscled is like saying the North Pole is a bit chilly. Every inch I could see was mouth wateringly ripped. I swear he had an eight, not six, pack abs. _Holy Mary mother of Jesus. _There was no way I could look at him and not remember I was a girl. I hesitantly took his shirt and with him watching, pulled it on. It was huge on me of course and covered every inch I wanted covered. _Thank God. I can breathe again._ I smiled up at him and it was genuine. He had made me happy with one simple gesture. "Thanks Jake."

His eyes lowered to my lips for a second before returning to my eyes. "No problem Nessie. It looks better on you anyhow."

What the hell was I suppose to say to that? I wanted to say that I doubted it 'cause it had looked damn good on him but NO WAY was I voicing that thought. Instead I decided to focus on the nickname he had used for me. "So you think I look like a monster huh? Gee thanks."

I watched confusion cloud his eyes. He was trying to figure out what he had said to give me that impression. I could feel myself blushing as his eyes trailed over me. _Thank God I'm at least covered now. _"Why would you think that? Because I sure as hell don't."

I rolled my eyes at him. "You know. Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster?"

Jake laughed. "Only a girl would think of that. I called you Nessie 'cause Renesmee is just too long and I have a lazy streak."

I couldn't help but smile when he talked to me like that. He was so happy and carefree I wanted to join him in that place. "Well okay as long as it's 'cause you're lazy you can call me Nessie."

Jake extended his hand out to me. "Deal."

Again without hesitation I took the hand offered. The same sense of peace and safety instantly washed over me. On its heels was the strange rush of energy and excitement. As his thumb ran feather light back and forth across my hand my heart pounded in my ears and the butterflies took flight in my stomach. All the while he just looked at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. It reminded me a lot of how my father used to look at my mother.

Guilt laced pain quickly took whatever happiness I had been feeling away. I was the one to break contact this time. I pulled my hand away from him. Poor Jake didn't understand the sudden change in my mood. "Did I do something wrong?"

I ducked my head to hide my face as I shook it no. I couldn't trust my voice. Images of my mom and dad had me too dangerously close to crying. _I am not crying in front of everyone damn it! Especially not Jake! He'll think I'm a basket case for real! _I tried as inconspicuously as I could to wipe away the few traitorous tears that did manage to escape.

Eric's enraged voice was in my head. _This is all your fault! If you would have just left with me I wouldn't have had to do this. You FORCED my hand! _I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my head on them. I was having a flash back, I knew this but I couldn't stop it. I had to ride the panic out and then I would be okay. Well I would have been okay if Jake hadn't chosen that exact moment to try and touch me.

Faster than you can blink, I was standing a good ten feet from where Jake and I had been sitting. I was shaking like a tree limb and mortified at my behavior and what he must think of me. Jake was staring at me with utter bewilderment and worry. _Great now he thinks I'm crazy. Awesome._ Everything started to close in around me; the air grew so thick I could barely breathe. I had to leave…NOW. "I have to go."

So, what did I do? I turned around and ran. I needed space and time away from everyone. I needed to find my center of calm and peace. _Why do I have the feeling I just left it? _It made no sense but that's the feeling I had. I faintly heard Rachel calling out for me but I ignored her. _I just need space._

I ran until my legs hurt, and my sides burned. Which given how nonathletic I am I'm sure couldn't have been far. But I couldn't see or hear anyone so I was good. During my flight of desperation I had run between what I guessed had once been a solid cliff wall. I was surrounded by cliffs on three sides, only the front was still beach and water. My legs gave out and I collapsed where I had been standing. With my back against the cliff wall I pulled my legs to my chest and buried my head in them. It was then I allowed the flood gates to open and the tears to pour out freely without worry or fear that they would be discovered by anyone.


	11. Making Waves

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter is written from Jake's POV.**

The slamming screen door brought me crashing back into the real world. "Shit." I had just imprinted on Embry's girl. Forcing myself to drop Nessie's hand I turned and ran after him. "Embry! Wait up man!"

By the time I caught up to him he was halfway to the woods. I knew what he was doing. He was going to shift and burn off the rage. Shit how many times had I done that? I sprinted into a jog so I could catch him before he phased. "Embry. Hold up a sec would ya?"

"Leave me alone Jake. I'm not in the mood." Embry hollered back without even turning to spare me a glace.

Did I listen? Fuck no. Instead as soon as I was within reaching distance I grabbed a hold of his shoulder to stop him. "Just hold up a damn second."

I never saw it coming. Embry swung around letting his right fist connected with my jaw, hard. Caught off guard, I stumbled backwards slightly. "Fuck man!"

I could taste the coppery taste of blood in my mouth as I straightened. My boy had busted my lip open, score one for him. Embry was shaking with the effort to control the rage he was feeling. "I told you to leave me alone."

I rubbed my jaw. My boy had a mean right hook. _Have to remember that._ It wasn't every day you saw him pissed, Embry was the poster boy for calm and sensibility. I started to say I was sorry but I couldn't force the lie past my lips. I wasn't sorry I had met Nessie, even less sorry that I had imprinted on her. How could I be sorry that I had found my reason for being? I felt whole for the first time in, well, ever. "This sucks. I get it. But shit you know I can't help it."

Embry's chest rose and fell with his effort to get himself under control. "I know." His words said he understood but his eyes told a different story. They told the story of this entire mess being major bullshit and if I was him I would think the same thing.

"If I could stay away from her I would." But we both knew I couldn't. My world now revolved around Nessie and what made her happy. The only way I would stay away from her is if it's what she wanted and fuck if I would let that happen.

Embry's shoulders slumped slightly as his anger began to ebb. "Yeah, I know."

And there was good old Embry being the rational one. If our roles were reversed, I'd probably have hit him more than once. I wanted to make this better for him, so I did the only thing I could think of. "I promise to be good to her Embry."

"You don't have a choice." Embry replied as he looked over my shoulder. Guess Paul had been sent to babysit.

"You're late. Fight's over." It wasn't entirely but it would be in a few hours when Embry could calm down. He was reasonable and he'd understand. He had to, he was my best friend.

Paul stopped somewhere behind me. I couldn't see him but I was guessing he was checking out our body language just to make sure we really were good. "Well then stop being knuckle heads and let's get to the beach. You're making me miss prime bikini time."

There was a time I would have snorted at the comment, but not now. Now the phrase brought an image of a raven haired goddess clad in only a tiny bikini. Hell fucking yeah it was prime bikini time. "So get moving old man."

Paul laughed. "I'll remember that when you're crying cause you lost."

I snorted because no way was I losing. My football team always won, because I'm a kick ass football player. Not bragging, just facts. Fixing cars wasn't all I was good at. "You're gonna be eating your words."

Embry walked past us both silently shaking his head. He was still mad but not nearly as much as he had been. I had a feeling his anger had more to do with him not being imprinted then me imprinting on Renesmee.

Embry stayed quiet as Paul and I razzed each other on the way to the beach. I smiled when I saw Renesmee sitting on her towel. She was amazing. I barely noticed the surprised look on everyone's faces when I chose to sit beside her instead of my boys. It was hard to focus on anything but her when she was near.

I was aware of everything she was doing without even trying. She was nervous and tense but she was trying her best to seem normal. I wanted to tell her that we were the last ones she had to worry about being 'normal' around. I mean, shit, she was sitting with a pack of werewolves.

When it came time to play football and she opted out I was the next to volunteer for the sidelines. I mean shit. Why would I want to play football when I could be getting to know my girl? And that's who Nessie was now. She was _my_ girl and always would be.

I watched her as she watched everyone else. There was a sadness about her that tainted her beautiful half smile. What I wouldn't give to see a real smile from her. I smiled at her when she snuck yet another glance at me. Like every other time she turned away quickly, hiding behind her hair again.

When she looked again I spoke. "You're not fat." I finally said. It bothered me how she kept her arms wrapped around herself. You could tell she was trying to hide her body. Like most girls I was guessing it was because she thought she was fat.

"Excuse me?" I smiled at her confused expression. It was the cutest thing I had ever seen. _Fuck I'm turning into a girl._

I let my eyes drift down over her. Damn but she was hot. _Fuck, down boy. _No way was she anywhere near being ready for _that_. "Isn't that why you're sitting like that?"

Her mouth formed a small 'O' before looking down at herself. A slight color tinted her cheeks when she looked back up at me. "Yeah I guess. I'm…, ahhh, just not use to being this exposed or something."

Tension was rolling off of her in waves. I had just been trying to give her a compliment and instead I made her even more uncomfortable. I was fucking horrible at this. I had to make this better somehow. I gave her my most charming smile, "I could help you with that you know."

She looked me over with a skeptical eye, "how?"

I winked and let the dimple show. "Like this." I stood up and pulled my shirt up over my head. I was rewarded with a dumbfounded look on her beautiful face. She didn't speak, just sat there staring at me. _She's more than a little interested._ I handed her my shirt and watched as she hesitantly took it.

Once my shirt was on her, her entire face lit up with the first real smile I'd seen from her. "Thanks Jake." _Holy shit. It's official. Nothing looks as good as my shirt on my girl. _

"No problem Nessie. It looks better on you anyhow." Shit. I hadn't meant to say that out loud. She just blinked at me like I was speaking Greek or some shit. Guess she wasn't use to getting compliments.

When she finally spoke she confused the hell out of me. "So you think I look like a monster, huh? Gee thanks."

_Why the hell would she think that?_ I stood there baffled as I looked her over. I decided just to ask because fuck if I knew why. "Why would you think that? Because I sure as hell don't." She had smooth creamy peach colored skin. Amazing wide chocolate brown eyes that could get me to do anything she wanted. Full pouty lips I was betting were softer then petals. Her body was perfect, curved in all the right places not too much, not too little. God and then there was her smell. I had never smelled anything so sweet and pure in my entire life. It was a heady combination I knew I could find anywhere now. Some people would see the piercings and the tattoos and call her a freak. To me they all were a part of her and therefore beautiful as well. _Shit I really am turning into a chic._

I caught a glimpse of the real Nessie, all attitude, when she rolled her eyes at me. "You know. Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster?"

I laughed at her explanation. The Loch Ness Monster? Really? No way was my girl even remotely close to being a monster, and I would know. "Only a girl would think of that. I called you Nessie 'cause Renesmee is just too long and I have a lazy streak."

My honesty won me the second real smile from her in as many minutes. "Well okay as long as it's 'cause you're lazy, you can call me Nessie."

I was smiling like the damn Cheshire cat. I felt like I had just overcome my first hurdle with her. Sticking my giant paw of a hand out for her, I waited for her to take it. "Deal."

I didn't have to wait long. Her hand seemed so small and delicate, yet perfectly made to fit in mine. I could feel our connection strengthening with every moment we spent together. It was a strange sensation to finally have everything you'd ever wanted. I'd never felt so…whole, before.

As I looked into her beautiful brown eyes everything slowed. I wondered if she felt anything close to what I was. I ran my thumb across the hand I held and was pleased with a soft intake of air I heard escape her lips. My eyes dropped to her lips, which had parted slightly. _Bet she tastes even better then she smells._

She was thinking something; I could see it in her eyes. Damn I wish I was Cullen right now. _Never thought I'd say that. EVER. _I wanted to kiss her. I was pretty damn sure she wouldn't be punching me if I did either. Just as I had decided to do just that she pulled away from me suddenly. My face was a mask of confusion as I looked into her now very afraid eyes. "Did I do something wrong?"

Nessie dipped her head forward, hiding her face from my sight with her hair. The long tresses swayed back and forth as she shook her head no. She sat with her knees to her chest rocking slightly and I doubted she even realized it. The salty smell of tears invaded my nostrils and put a vise around my heart. I sat there not knowing what to do as she went into her own little world.

"Nessie?" She didn't even act like she heard me. I had lost her to something I couldn't see. Fear and pain oozed out of every pore she had as an almost inaudible whimper left her mouth. It was the whimper that broke me. I reached out without thinking, fully intending to pull her to me. I had to make her feel better and last time I checked females loved being held and shit.

One second my hand was on her arm the next she was standing a good ten feet away. _Holy shit, she's fast. _She stood with her arms wrapped around herself, shaking. Wherever she had just been it wasn't a good place. I heard the saying 'haunted' but I had never seen it before now. That's how I would describe the look on Nessie's face. She looked so weary and sad, almost broken, that it hurt to look at her. "I have to go." She said suddenly before turning and running away from me.

I stood about to run after her when someone grabbed my arm from behind. "What the hell did you do?" Rachel screamed at me.

"I didn't do a fucking thing princess, back off." I growled at her. Yeah I shouldn't have, but my girl was hurting and that didn't sit well with me.

Paul was suddenly there between me and Rachel. "Take it down a notch now pup or I'll do it for you."

I clenched my hands into fists at my side. "You and who else? Because we both know you can't take me down by yourself old man."

Sam quickly got into the mix, putting himself between me and Paul, a hand on either chest, keeping us apart. "Both of you calm down. That's an order."

I forced deep breathes into my lungs. _Fucking alpha wolf shit._

Once it was clear we weren't going to attack each other Sam put his arms down. He turned to Paul and Rachel first. "Back on the beach we've got a game to finish."

Paul took Rachel by the hand and led her back to the others. She of course was shooting daggers at me over her shoulder the entire time. _Like I wasn't use to getting that look. _It was the first time it had bothered me though.

When they were out of earshot Sam turned to me. "Go find Renesmee and make sure she's okay."

I nodded. "That's what I was about to do before Rachel stopped me."

Sam smiled, "Well at least now it's an order from me. She and Paul can't complain."

I thanked him before heading in the direction I had watched Nessie take off in. It would be easier to track her in wolf form but it wasn't every day you saw a wolf hanging out on the beach. So instead I followed the footprints she had left in the sand.

It was a good mile from where we had been when her foot prints became closer together. She had started to walk here. As I got close to a set what had once been solid cliff I could hear the sound of crying. Slowly I made my way through the high rock so as not to scare her. What I saw broke my heart.

Nessie was sitting curled up into a ball sobbing as if her heart was breaking. I wanted nothing more but to wrap her up in my arms but we all knew where that had gotten me already. Instead I approached her carefully, like I would with prey I didn't want to scare off. I tried my best to keep my voice gentle and non-threatening when I spoke. "Nessie. It's just me, Jake."

Nessie lifted her head, wiping away tears from her puffy bloodshot eyes. "I, don't, want, anyone, to, see, me, like, this." She managed to get out between sobs.

I sat down beside her, letting my arms hang off my bent knees. "Well then it's a good thing I'm not just anyone."

She laughed a little, even had a half smile on her face when she looked at me. "You're sure full of yourself."

I winked at her. "It's the only way to be baby."

She actually laughed this time. "I'll take your word for it."

We sat silent for a while, just watching the ocean. Slowly her fear melted away and her heart slowed to a normal rate. I hated to say it but I knew we should head back before Rachel went completely spastic. "We should head back."

Nessie sighed and let her head roll to the side to look at me. "Do we have too?"

I resisted the urge to touch her. "Not if you don't want to share me yet we don't."

She blushed and playfully pushed at my leg. "It's not like that. I just need a little more time before I'm ready to deal with people again."

"You want me to go?" _Say no. _Why the hell was I trying to be a fucking good guy? Oh right I was trying to be good enough for her.

"No!" She answered a little too quickly.

_Good because I didn't want to go. _Did I say that? Fuck no, I'm not stupid. But I knew I was smiling like a damn fool. "So what do you want to do?" I felt the buzzing in my brain which meant that Sam wanted me. Most likely he wanted me to come back, but Nessie wasn't ready and neither was I. So I did the only thing I could do, ignore it.

She shrugged her shoulders as she played with her hair. "Whatever. It doesn't matter."

"You want to hit the ocean?" It was fucking hot out, even Nessie was covered in a light sheen of sweat from her impromptu jog. My mind immediately went to imagining her looking like that for an entirely different reason_. _I swallowed back my groan. Now was not the time for _those_ kind of thoughts.

Nessie looked at the ocean then to me. "Why would I hit the ocean? It's never done anything to me."

I shook my head as she smiled. "Totally lame."

"It wasn't that bad!" Even she couldn't keep a straight face. "Okay maybe it was."

I laughed. "Trust me, it was. Now, are we getting in the water or what?" She chewed her bottom lip as she glanced down at herself. "You can wear it in if you want. I don't care."

She looked at me as if wondering if I was being honest. Guess she could tell that I was because she shook her head no. "No. I'll uhhh be okay."

I raised my brow. "You sure? I don't want you to be uncomfortable." And it was the truth. I wanted her to be completely comfortable being herself around me.

Her eyes widened slightly in surprise before softening with a shy smile. "Yeah I'm sure." I watched as she stood and took off my shirt laying it gently on the ground. "I would like to wear it again when we head back if that's okay?"

"That's more than okay with me." I really need to think before I speak judging by the blush creeping up her neck.

Nessie turned to look at the water, her face conveniently hidden from my view. "Okay. Last one to the water is a rotten egg?" She was still unsure, I could sense it. Her problem was she thought too much. She needed to just let go and be. Lucky for her I was an expert at it.

"Prepare to stink!" I said laughing before I hopped up and ran towards the water. I didn't look back as I ran and dove into the water. When I came up I saw she was at the edge of the water evidently having second thoughts. "What's wrong?"

"It's colder than I thought it would be." She said looking at the water like it was the enemy.

I laughed, I couldn't help it. She hadn't struck me for the prissy type. "You're serious? It's too _cold _for you? I didn't realize you were such a priss."

I watched her eyes flare and her mouth form a flat line. _Well look at that. I struck a nerve._ I grinned wider as I made chicken noises. Raising her head high she looked down at me best she could as she waded into the water. I had to give her credit only her eyes widened slightly as she moved further into the water.

I grinned at her. "Not bad for a chicken."

"I am NOT a chicken." She said through gritted teeth. I wanted to tell her how adorable she looked but knew it would ruin whatever had gotten us to this moment.

I clucked at her and she splashed me. I was obligated to splash her back. In typical fashion she squealed like a girl and splashed back as she tried to get away.

Our little game of cat and mouse continued until I decided to let her get the upper hand. Diving under the water I came up right beside her. While I wiped the water from my face it gave her the time she needed to push my head back down under the water. I came up coughing as if I had downed a ton of it. Of course I hadn't, but she didn't know that.

Nessie was over at my side in a flash. The look of worry on her face was priceless. "Oh my God, Jake? Are you okay? I'm so sorry."

I looked down at her with a wicked smile. "Not yet but you're gonna be."

She blinked up at me honestly confused, "what?"

Lightening quick I had her swept up into my arms. _Fuck this feels good, like she was meant to be here. _"If I were you I'd hold my breath." I warned grinning.

Her eyes got as wide as saucers as she realized what I intended to do. "Oh no you're not!" She hissed before wrapping her arms around my neck in an attempt to keep me from throwing her.

"Funny, 'cause I think I am." Nessie wrapped her arms around my neck tighter so that her face was buried in my neck. Being a werewolf I was way stronger then a human and could easily break her hold. But why the fuck would I want to do that? I was enjoying the feel of her in my arms like the pathetic sap I had obviously become. Moving my hands to her hips I tried to pull her loose. Well I let her think that's what I was doing.

What she did next surprised me to no end. She wrapped her legs around my waist and held on for dear life. "Don't you dare, Jacob!"

I pushed on her hips and she held on tighter. I was on fucking cloud nine. My girl was holding on to me so tightly I doubted a crowbar could pry her off me. Granted I had manipulated the situation to get to this point but I couldn't feel bad for it. Or I wouldn't have if I hadn't heard, "WHAT THE FUCK?" from the shoreline. _Shit. Embry._

I can only imagine what it looked like to him. Her arms and legs wrapped around me, her face buried in my neck as my hands rested on her hips. It didn't look like that for long because Nessie practically jumped off me, and I let her. She had her arms wrapped around herself, obviously embarrassed at being caught like we were, even if nothing had been going on.

I stepped in front of her, giving her the shelter she needed from Embry's hate filled gaze. It was directed at me but she didn't know that. "Embry, man. It's not what it looks like."

Embry was shaking so bad I could see it from here. Whatever progress I had made since earlier today was gone. "What the fuck ever. Sam says to get back. Rachel's worried." With that said Embry turned and sprinted off towards the woods. He wouldn't be joining us tonight on the beach that was for sure. Neither was I catching him, so I just let him go.

I turned around to face Nessie who was currently playing with her hair nervously. "Guess we need to head back."

"Umm. Okay." She answered without meeting my gaze. She was uncomfortable again. _Damn it._

I jogged over to where she had left my shirt and brought it back to her.

She took it and quickly put it on. "Thanks."

I held my hand out and prayed she would take it. "You ready?"

She looked at my hand like it would bite her. I was about to give up and put it down when she placed her hand in mine and our fingers intertwined. "Not really."

"I don't blame you for not wanting to share me either." I teased trying to make her smile again.

Nessie rolled her eyes laughing. "Yeah. Okay. Whatever you say."

I grinned down at her as we started to make our way back to the rest of the group. Our pace was slow. Neither of us was in a hurry to get back. She wasn't ready to deal with the group and I just didn't want to share her time. Call me a selfish bastard but I liked having my girl to myself. Now all I have to do is figure out a way to make her feel the same way. I looked down at our joined hands; at least this was a step in the right direction.


	12. Rebirth

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: As you will see this is the last chapter written from Nessie's POV. I hadn't planned on writing this but was asked about what she was thinking and feeling, so here it is. I want to thank all of my loyal reviewers while I'm at it! You guys are seriously what makes me power up the lt when I'm tired and just want to crash. I still can't believe there are people out there that like this as much as I do! Anyway happy reading and keep the reviews coming!**

I was just about at the tail end of my hysterics when I heard him. "Nessie, it's me, Jake."

Oh God no. I lifted my head, wiping away tears from my no doubt puffy bloodshot eyes. "I, don't, want, anyone, to, see, me, like, this." I hiccupped between sobs.

Jake moved slowly as he sat down beside me, like he was afraid I'd bolt again. He mirrored how I sat, his long arms hanging off his bent knees. "Well then it's a good thing I'm not just anyone."

I laughed a little, a semi smile lifting the corners of my mouth. "You're sure full of yourself." It was amazing, the tension and fear was already starting to leave my body. It was as if Jake was an emotional save for me. _This doesn't make any sense!_

He winked at me. "It's the only way to be baby."

I actually laughed this time. "I'll take your word for it."

We sat silent for a while, just watching the ocean. I could feel the fear melting away with every second I spent in Jake's presence. It was like I was absorbing the warmth of his personality. I could almost feel it chasing away the cold numbness that usually held me prisoner, even on a good day. Jake finally broke the silence. "We should head back."

I sighed; I didn't want to leave, not yet. I was enjoying the peacefulness that had settled around me and Jacob. Letting my head roll to the side, my eyes trailed over Jacob's strong profile. "Do we have too?"

His head rolled to face me. His teasing smile caused my spirits to lift on the wings of the butterflies that fluttered in my stomach suddenly. "Not if you don't want to share me yet we don't."

I rolled my eyes and pushed at his leg. _Freakin' boys I swear._ "It's not like that. I just need a little more time before I'm ready to deal with people again."

"You want me to go?" I could have sworn I heard a note of regret in his tone. _I'm totally hearing things._

"No!" I blurted out before I could stop myself. It was just that I never EVER had gotten over an 'episode' this quickly. As I sat here with Jacob it was like it almost hadn't happened, or that it had happened to someone else. _He's better then my meds._ Sitting here beside him I felt…normal. _Wow I had forgotten what that felt like._

Jacob's entire face lit up with his heart stopping smile. "So what do you want to do?"

I shrugged as I played with my hair. It's a nervous habit, shoot me. The truth was as long as he was here I didn't care what we did. "Whatever. It doesn't matter."

Jake looked around like he was trying to decide on something. "You want to hit the ocean?"

I looked to the ocean and then to him almost giggling. _What the hell has gotten into me?_ _I'm acting like, like, a teenage girl!_ "Why would I hit the ocean? It's never done anything to me." _Oh God did I really just say that?_

Jake shook his head trying not to laugh. "Totally lame."

I tried to look hurt. "It wasn't that bad!" My face cracked into a smile. Rachel is right I have no poker face. "Okay maybe it was."

Jake laughed. "Trust me, it was. Now, are we getting in the water or what?" I chewed my bottom lip as I looked down at myself. Going into the water meant taking off his shirt and being exposed. When I looked back up Jake's eyes had gentled. "You can wear it in if you want. I don't care."

I felt my heart flip as I realized he understood. He wanted me to be at ease unlike most guys who would have been giving me crap for it. I shook my head. "No. I'll uhhh be okay."

Jake raised a brow. Obviously that didn't come out all that convincingly. "You sure? I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

I was right! He was more worried about be being comfortable than anything. _Get a grip Renesmee. He's already seen you in the bathing suit…remember? Oh yeah, duh. _ "Yeah I'm sure." I stood and before I could change my mind I took off his shirt. I placed it neatly on the ground at my feet. "I would like to wear it again when we head back if that's okay?"

Jake gave me an almost approving smile. "That's more than okay with me."

I turned to look at the water so he wouldn't see the slight blush creeping into my cheeks. "Okay. Last one to the water is a rotten egg?" Again that came out more of a question then a statement.

"Prepare to stink!" Jake yelled laughing before hopping up and running into the water. A second later he dove in and disappeared below the waves. I ran towards the water searching frantically for signs of him. Where is he? I swear I didn't breathe until I saw him come up again. He had no idea of the panic he had just caused me or, judging by the look of worry on his face, maybe he did. "What's wrong?"

I looked down at the water. No way was I telling him I just about had a heart attack. "It's colder than I thought it would be." _Yeah THAT sounds convincing._

Jake gave me the 'are you serious?' look before laughing, hard. "You're serious? It's too cold for you? I didn't realize you were such a priss."

I narrowed my eyes on him. Did he have some kind of hand book on me or something cause yeah he sure knew what buttons to press. _I'll show him who's a priss!_ Raising my head in defiance I slowly entered the water. _Damn this is cold!_

I wanted to wipe the smirk from his handsome face as he stood there making fun of me. "Not bad for a chicken."

You want to know how to get me to do something, anything? Goad me. It's a character flaw, I know. "I am NOT a chicken." I said through gritted teeth.

He clucked at me, clucked at me! Can you freakin believe it! My lips pursed as I glared at him. _How dare he!_ I was not prone to violence but I HAD to do something in retaliation, so I splashed him as hard as I could. Of course then it seemed it was game on, cause he started splashing me back. I hate to admit it but I squealed like a girl and tried to get away.

Every move I made Jake countered perfectly. I had my head turned away laughing when the splashing suddenly stopped. I looked around for Jake only to scream when he popped up beside me. Without thinking I pushed his head back down under the water. _That'll teach him._ I thought with a nod. My smugness only last until he came back up coughing as if I had swallowed half the ocean.

_Oh my God, oh my God, Oh my God. What had I done?_ I reached out on instinct to make sure he was okay. "Oh my God, Jake? Are you okay? I'm so sorry."

I expected him to be pissed, but he wasn't. Instead he gave me a mischievous grin. "Not yet but you're gonna be."

_Say what?_ I blinked up at him honestly confused, "what?"

Before you could say WTF I was suddenly in his arms. "If I were you, I'd hold my breath." He warned grinning. A part of my brain was trying to wave a red flag of warning; I SHOULD be panicking over this.

He couldn't possibly be thinking of throwing me, could he? My eyes widened as I realize that was exactly his plan. "Oh no you're not!" Bathing suits, especially ones this flimsy had a way of coming undone in such cases. No way could he be allowed to throw me. I wrapped my arms as tight as I could around his neck to try and keep him from accomplishing his goal.

Jake of course thought this was all very funny. "Funny, 'cause I think I am."

"Don't you dare, Jacob!" I hissed as I wrapped my legs around him. When he tried to pull me off I held on tighter. This had somehow become a battle of will for me that I had to win. It made no sense, I know but it was what it was. I was NOT going into the water by force.

Jake no doubt opened his mouth to say something smart but instead I heard, "WHAT THE FUCK?"

I looked over to see Embry standing on the shoreline looking even more pissed off then earlier. I scrambled to get out of Jake's arms; the position suddenly seemed very intimate when it hadn't been before. Hell maybe it had, I just hadn't been thinking. _When was the last time that happened?_

Jake stepped in front of me, sheltering me from the dark angry look in Embry's eyes. "Embry, man. It's not what it looks like."

I couldn't see him, but the fury in Embry's tone was unmistakable. "What the fuck ever. Sam says to get back. Rachel's worried."

A sad sigh left Jake before he turned back to me. "Guess we need to head back."

"Umm. Okay." I couldn't meet his gaze. I was mortified by my behavior. _How could I let myself act this way?_ This wasn't me, not anymore. I wasn't some normal girl flirting with a cute guy, I was a messed up train wreck of emotions with my baggage scattered everywhere and anywhere.

As I waded out of the water slowly, Jake jogged over to where I had left his shirt and brought it back to me.

When I was completely out of the water I took it and quickly put it on. The awkwardness that hadn't been in the water was suddenly choking me. "Thanks." I managed to squeak out.

I was busy playing with my hair when Jake's hand came into view. "You ready?"

I stood there staring at his hand. I couldn't breathe. Something inside me was warning that this was one of those moments that could change my life forever. I was at the preverbal fork in the road. I could stay on the path I was currently following or venture into the unknown. I looked up into Jacob's patient non judgmental face. He wasn't going to pressure me one way or the other. Something seemed to click into place. The unknown path it is. Taking a deep breath I placed my hand in his and our fingers intertwined. "Not really." As soon as my hand touched his a calmness washed over me chasing away the worry and fear.

"I don't blame you for not wanting to share me either." Jake teased.

I rolled my eyes but the effect was ruined with my laughter. "Yeah. Okay. Whatever you say."

Jake just smiled down at me as we started to make our way back to the rest of the group. Our pace was slow. Neither of us was in a hurry to get back I guess. I wasn't in a hurry because I didn't want to face the twenty questions I knew Rachel would have waiting for me, especially if she saw us holding hands. I was guessing Jake wasn't in a hurry because he wasn't ready to face Embry. Whatever his reason, I was glad. It was nice to be 'normal' with someone again. It was a feeling I knew would be tested as soon as we got back to the others. _Oh well, nothing gold ever stays, right?_ A part of me hoped just this once, maybe that song was wrong.


	13. Bonfire Inquisition

I looked down at our intertwined hands. His hand was so much larger and warmer than mine. I was slightly worried that he might be getting sick, he felt like he could be. I cranked my head to look up at him. "Are you feeling okay?"

Jake smiled down at me and my heart skipped a beat. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"You're just like really hot."

A huge smartass grin covered his face. "Thanks. I think you're pretty hot yourself."

I rolled my eyes hoping he didn't see the way his comment made me blush. "That's not what I meant. I meant your skin is really hot. Are you sick?"

"Nah, me and my boys just run a little on the warmer side I guess." He didn't look at me when he spoke. _Strange. _

I raised a brow in question. "So it's like something in the water?"

Jake laughed, "Yeah, you could say that."

I waited for him to elaborate but of course he didn't. We were close to the others now. I could hear the sound of their voices though we were still too far away to make out what they were saying. I should be freaking out but I was oddly calm. I won't lie and say I wasn't nervous, but it wasn't anywhere near what it normally was.

I looked down at our joined hands again, still slightly in awe that we were holding hands in the first place. People didn't touch me all that much cause, well, I just didn't let them mostly. But this felt…right with Jake. I groaned. _Oh good Lord I'm turning into a Hallmark card or something._

Jake frowned as he looked down at me. His eyes trailed mine down to our hands and totally misinterpreted my groan. He let go of my hand, shoving his into his pants pockets looking hurt.

I immediately felt the tension begin to build in my body myself. Out of curiosity I touched Jake's arm and felt the tension begin to recede again. _S_o_ Jake really is my ticket to 'normal', interesting. _

Jake had stopped the moment I had touched him. He looked as though there was something he wanted to say to me but couldn't figure out how.

"Just say it." I encouraged.

He debated for about another thirty seconds or so before he listened to me. "I want to sit with you."

Again my heart did that little somersaulting thing as I smiled up at him shyly. "I'd like that."

Jake smiled as he draped his arm over my shoulders. "You sure you're up to this?"

_As long as you're with me? Yes._ "Yeah. I'm good."

"Then on to the firing squad it is."

I laughed knowing exactly what he was talking about. "Rachel's not that bad."

Jake snorted. "Are we talking about the same Rachel?"

I laughed again. "Yeah, Jake, we are. She's a good person just sometimes she gets swept up and carried away with stuff."

Now it was Jake's turn to laugh. "Yeah that's ONE way of putting it."

I playfully punched him in the side, because he was dissing my bff. It's not just a good idea, it's a rule. You have to stick up for your friends. It's the whole hos before bros type of thing. "Not cool Jacob."

Just then we came around the corner. As if in sync they all turned to look at us. I stiffened. It was an immediate reaction to the attention. Jake, ignoring everyone, leaned down to whisper in my ear. "They're just worried. I have a reputation of being an asshole lately and they all seem to like you."

Jake dropped his arm from me as we walked over to the opening in the circle around the fire and sat down. I was uncomfortable, acutely aware of the curious looks we were getting from just about everyone. Tension was beginning to build; I could feel it in my stomach. I wanted to reach out to Jake. He could make it better, but of course if I did that it would cause a scene. So I sat there fighting with myself.

Without me uttering a sound Jake shifted slightly. It wasn't much, but it was enough that now his knee rested against my leg. The tension that had been building started to recede slowly, as if it was being drained from me. I smiled my thanks to Jake and hoped he could read it in my eyes. When he smiled back at me I knew he had.

I looked across the way and noticed that Rachel was watching us like a hawk. She mouthed, "You. Me. Car. Now."

I sighed. Twenty questions were about to go down, I was sure of it. _Man I had been hoping to avoid this._

Jake leaned over to whisper quietly. Although with as loud as Jared and Paul were arguing over God knows what, I doubted it was necessary. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing, I…" I turned to look at him and froze. He was much closer then I had realized. Our lips were only inches apart from each other. My eyes went from his lips to his eyes and were captivated by the need that burned in them. He wanted to kiss me. I could see it in his eyes, but I couldn't decide if that's what I wanted or not. I didn't get the chance to decide.

Rachel chose that exact moment to yell. "Kat." I turned to look at her and she wasn't smiling. "I need your help with something quick."

_Bullshit. _She was cock blocking and I wasn't sure if I was grateful or not for it. "Yeah okay, I'm coming."

I turned to look back up at Jake who was currently glaring at Rachel. Evidentially I wasn't the only one who realized what she was doing. "I'll be right back."

Jake's eyes softened as he looked back down at me. What I was coming to think of as his bad boy grin lit his face and sped up my heartbeat. "Try not to miss me too much."

"No problem Jack." I teased grinning, purposely calling him the wrong name, before hoping up and dusting off my butt. Rachel had already gotten up and was waiting for me.

Taking a deep breath I walked over to her. "Whatcha need?"

She refused to answer me, just turned and walked until we were far enough away from everyone to not be heard. "What did he do to you?"

I blinked at her as my mind raced to try and figure out what she was talking about. "What are you talking about? What did who do?"

She let out a deep sigh, annoyed. I guess this is something I should have been able to figure out on my own. "Jacob. What did he do to you that made you freak?"

My mouth formed a small 'o' of understanding. _Now I get it. _"Jake didn't do anything."

Rachel gave me the 'I'm not buying it' look. "Uh huh."

"Dude seriously he didn't." I was defensive on his behalf. I didn't like the idea of her thinking badly of Jake. Not when he was my miracle drug. _Yeah that's why._

"You'd tell me if he did? Cause I warned them." She asked with her hands on her hip.

This was her mother hen side coming out. Until now it had never really been a problem. I was just about to tease her about it when the rest of what she said sunk into my thick skull. "What do you mean warned them?"

Rachel's face went blank. "What?" Rachel knew she had messed up and now she was trying to back pedal.

My jaw clenched at the thought of what she most likely did. "You said you warned them, about what?"

"Oh, I, uhhh." She stammered as her face turned a light crimson.

"I swear to God Rachel spit it out right now. What did you say to them?" I was mortified. What if Jake was being nice because he was told to be? What if he didn't really like me at all?

Rachel replied sheepishly. "It wasn't bad I swear. I just told them you were dealing with lots of stuff and you're not really a people person, so to give you space and be nice."

I groaned. "You didn't?"

Rachel shrugged. "I was trying to avoid whatever happened between you and Jake."

I sunk down onto a rock. _Grrrrrrrreaaaate. _"So that's why Jake is being so nice to me." I mumbled more to myself then to Rachel.

"Oh no. Jake likes you…a lot." She answered without hesitation.

My eyes flew to hers. "How do you know?"

Rachel shrugged. "Paul told me."

I raised a brow. "How does he know?"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "They're friends."

_Oh yes that clears everything right up. Thanks. _"So Jake told Paul he likes me?"

She shrugged again. "I'm assuming that's how Paul found out."

I chewed on this bit of information over in my head as I played with my hair. _Jake likes me, enough that he told his friends, but when? _"When did he find out?"

Rachel threw her hands above her head. "Oh for crying out loud Kat! The boy likes you and he's a major hottie, just be happy!"

I pursed my lips together to keep from saying what I was thinking. I didn't know how to be happy anymore. It just wasn't that easy for me. _Funny when Jake's around it sure feels that way. _"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Rachel sighed in frustration. "Look I'm sorry. Now can we just head back? It's getting freaking cold out."

I stood up. She was right. It was getting cold out. I couldn't get back to that fire soon enough. "I'm sorry too. Forgiven?"

Rachel hugged me briefly but tightly. "Yeah."

We headed back to the bonfire. Rachel of course sat back beside Paul and I headed over to Jake. I noticed he was now closer to the fire, sitting on a blanket with the log behind him. He watched as I sat on the log beside him silently. I rubbed at the goose bumps on my arms. _Man it had gotten cold out quickly._

"You know it's warmer down here."

I looked down at him, my fingers twirling away at my hair. "Really?" _Good God that was lame._

His smile had the butterflies in take off formation. "Yeah and there's plenty of room beside me." He patted said room as an illustration.

I looked around; no one was paying attention to us. Everyone was wrapped up in a story Sam was telling. Okay well maybe Rachel was semi paying attention but I was doing my best to ignore her. "Umm…okay." I scooted down onto the blanket beside him. He was so warm I could feel the heat from his body more than the heat from the fire.

Jake leaned back against the log, resting his arms on it. _Smooth, very smooth and very confident. _I thought as he smiled at me. "You know I don't bite, you can get closer." I don't know what my face said but he quickly added, "I mean because as you pointed out earlier I am kinda hot and you're obviously cold."

His awkwardness made me laugh. He really was trying hard to make me feel comfortable and yet still get what he wanted. It was kinda cute actually.

"This doesn't mean anything." I warned before taking a deep breath to steel my resolve and scoot closer to him.

"Of course not." Jake answered with a wink.

I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders and instantly I felt better. Our connection, as I'd decided to call it, was amazing at the same time as it was scary. I could come to rely on him, on it, and that wouldn't be good. But it was so nice to feel 'normal' again.

Before long I was yawning. The combination of his heat, the heat from the fire, and the calming nature of our connection were putting me to sleep. I was struggling to keep my eyes open when I heard Jake whisper. "Just lay your head down and relax. Nothing is going to happen to you with me here."

In my gut I knew he was telling the truth. It made no sense but I KNEW he wouldn't let anything happen to me, that I was safe. Without any further encouragement needed I laid my head on his shoulder and curled into his side. It was only a matter of minutes before I lost the battle with my heavy eye lids and fell asleep peacefully for the first time in months.


	14. The Daylight Fears of Moonlit Dreams

I woke up feeling more refreshed then I could ever remember. I stretched my limbs out as far as they would go before opening my eyes. I was at Paul's on the couch, which I didn't remember being as comfortable the first night as it was last night. Removing the blanket from myself I sat up. I was still wearing Jacob's shirt.

_Oh God. Jacob._ The last thing I had remembered was sitting beside him at the bonfire. I must have fallen asleep like the complete dork I am. Only if that's what happened, how did I get back here?

Rachel came in practically glowing. _Thank God I'm a heavy sleeper._ I thought knowing full well what had put that smile on her face. "Well good morning Sleeping Beauty I didn't think you'd ever wake up."

I rubbed my half blurry eyes. Rachel was in way too good of a mood for me to stomach this early. "I didn't sleep that late."

"Ummm…actually you did." She pointed to the clock on the wall. "It's eleven o'clock. You need to get ready to leave."

_Holy shit! I did over sleep!_ "How could you let me sleep that late?"

Rachel scoffed at me. "How could I not? I don't think I've ever known you to sleep that long."

Okay, so she had a point. I never slept longer than four or five hours unless medication was involved., which hadn't been the case last night. That thought lead to another. "How did I get here? Last thing I remember was being on the beach."

Rachel turned and headed into the kitchen, forcing me to follow her to get my answer. "Well that's easy. Jake carried you."

"He did what?" I squawked sounding a little like Kyle's mom from South Park.

Rachel only grinned at me as she dug in the fridge for orange juice. "I'm sorry. Did I stutter?"

I just looked at her. Not only had I fallen asleep beside him, he had carried me and I didn't wake for any of it? This kind of stuff just didn't happen. "You're sure? He carried me?"

"Mhm." Sitting the bottle down, she got out two glasses and filled them. As I sat down at the small table Rachel joined me, sitting one of the glasses down in front of me. "I dare say you looked so comfortable in his arms if you had been a cat I'm sure you would have been purring."

"Shut up." I grumbled before sipping my juice.

Rachel's smile turned devious. "If it makes you feel any better I had to practically threaten Jake to get him to leave you last night."

I couldn't process what she was saying. "No fucking way."

She frowned at me. "Watch your language. No one likes a potty mouth."

_I'm pretty sure Jake wouldn't mind._ Good Lord! Where did that thought come from? My foul mood had me snapping at her. "Bite me Barbie." Did I mention I'm not a morning person?

Rachel shuddered. "Ewww. I'm not one of those gross bloodsuckers."

I sighed. I was not awake enough to deal with Rachel and her crazy thought process. "Now what are you talking about?"

Rolling her eyes, she explained. "You told me to bite you. I am not one of those disgusting vampires."

She was being so serious I had to laugh. "You know they're not real right?"

Rachel stiffened. "You'd be surprised at what's real."

"Good grief Rachel. Next thing I know you're going to say that werewolves, mummies, and fairies are real."

She shrugged. "Like I said, you'd be surprised."

I shook my head. "That's it. Paul has officially screwed you senseless."

Rachel gave me a dry look. "Puhlease. Not possible."

I grinned. "I didn't know you believed in vampires. Although…" I paused to tap my chin.

Rachel raised her brow at me. "Although what?"

"That would mean Eric Northman might be real." I fanned myself for effect. "That vamp is hot! He can bite me anytime!"

Rachel looked appalled as she shook her head. "You don't know what you're saying."

I laughed. She looked seriously disappointed in me. "Have you seen him? HELLO!"

Rachel frowned at me. "Real vampires are not like the ones in that stupid show. There's nothing hot about them, they're killers."

I raised my hands in defeat. "Okay okay vampires are evil no matter how hot they are. Sheesh."

Rachel sighed. "I'm just saying that you should keep your vamp loving tendencies to yourself is all."

Wow this is the weirdest conversation I've ever had. I really believed that Rachel believed in vampires. Which is just almost crazy talk. I say almost cause who am I to be calling anyone crazy? Rachel finished her glass and stood. "As soon as you get a shower and get dressed we're headed home. I need to make sure I'm there when dad gets home. I'll drop you off at your house first."

"Okay." What else could I say? I had obviously stumbled onto heaven knows what but it was a hell of a nerve. I finished my glass, making sure to take my meds before I was done and put it in the sink. Heading back out to the living room I grabbed my bag and headed into the bathroom. Thirty minutes later I was getting out of the shower and feeling more awake, more like myself. Jeans and a tank were my comfort clothes for the day, add my Vans and I was good to go.

I hate to admit it but I was waiting for Jake to show up. He had to know we were leaving this morning. And yeah I thought maybe he would want to see me again. _I'm so freaking stupid._ Still I found myself asking as we put our stuff into the back of the car, "So where's Paul?"

Rachel closed the hatch and slide behind the steering wheel with me following suit. "There was some kind of tribe meeting going down this morning."

"Oh." I replied lamely. I played with my hair as I looked out the window. "So they're all there?" I tried to ask nonchalantly.

Rachel sighed. "Yes, that's where Jake is."

I huffed. "Not what I asked."

"No but it's what you wanted to know. Tell me I'm wrong." She was smirking at me and I hated that she could see so easily through me.

"Whatever." I grumbled yet again because I couldn't deny it.

"Knew it." She replied all smart ass as she headed down the road, away from La Push.

We were both silent for a little while. I guess lost in our own thoughts. Rachel, like I knew she would, broke the silence. "I have to ask you something."

Considering she knew more about me then anyone I couldn't imagine what she wanted to know. "Okay." Yeah I sounded a little reserved because you never knew what she might say or ask. Nothing was really taboo with her once she trusted you.

Rachel glanced over at me. "You into Jake or does Embry stand a chance?"

_Wow didn't see that one coming. _"Ummm, I don't know. Embry's really nice, he's just..." _Not Jake. _"Not my type I guess."

The look she gave me told me she wasn't buying it. "So what about Jake?"

I turned my head to look out my window. "What about him?"

An overly dramatic and annoyed sigh was her response. "Do you like him?"

I chewed my bottom lip as my fingers got busy in my hair. _Did I like him? _I thought back to yesterday. The minute I pictured him smiling the butterflies took off stirring up warmth inside me. The memory of his concern for me caused my heart to do a little flip flop. Then there was our connection, the way his presence alone could cause my insanity to take a backseat. Hell I had fallen asleep for the first time without meds because of him.

I was still thinking when Rachel got impatient, "well? Do you?"

"Hush it, I'm thinking."

Rachel laughed. "Hate to tell you this but if you have to think about it for this long then the answer is most likely yes."

I was terrified she was right. Bad things happen to those I care about. I couldn't let myself care about Jake for his own safety. Eric was still out there somewhere; it was bad enough I was risking Charlie and Rachel. I wouldn't let anything bad happen to Jake too because of me. "It doesn't matter." I answered sounding as forlorn as I felt.

"Of course it matters! You deserve to be happy too and Jake likes you!" Rachel was only slightly irritated with me. She hates when I fall into a grey mood.

"That doesn't change anything. I can't see him again." I pointed out, because it didn't. Jake could like me all he wants and I still wouldn't be good for him. Being my friend wasn't safe either and part of me kept waiting for Rachel to realize that.

Rachel snorted. "Good luck with that."

I finally looked over at her. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

Rachel didn't look at me when she spoke. "It means that Jake is the most stubborn person I know and he likes you. I'm telling you, there isn't a person alive who can keep him from you."

I chewed on that piece of information. "Not even if I asked him to go away?"

The look Rachel gave me wasn't a friendly one and her voice held a tone of warning. "Don't you do that unless it's really what you want Kat. He's been through hell thanks to your precious cousin Bella. He's too good of a person to have his heart ripped out and trampled on twice."

"Yeah okay." I replied lamely, but what else could I say? She clearly didn't recognize that fact that Jake was safer away from me then around me. Being with him would be selfish and foolish. Let's face it, I'm a mess. Then there's the whole psychotic ex who's still out there waiting. Eric already proved he will kill anyone who stood between us. God knows it was going to be hard enough to shake Charlie and Rachel when the time came. And it would come; I realized the day my parents died that my life would end up a tragic headline in the paper. My only real goal was to make sure I took him down with me. I didn't want anyone else to have to become a victim to his madness. I had started this and when the time came I would end it, which was the vow I had made the day of my parents funeral. And if it took my dying breath to do so, it was one I would keep.


	15. One Bad Idea

Charlie wasn't home when I got there luckily. There was a message on the machine saying he had missed his flight and wouldn't be home until the following morning. Fine with me, I wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone let alone pretend to be happy. Truth was I had quickly fallen into a dark grey mood after my little conversation with Rachel. I knew what I had to do and I was dreading it. There was a good chance I'd lose my best friend for awhile, but I just couldn't be with Jake.

I cursed the way my pulse picked up with just the thought of him. "Get over it." I mumbled to myself as I headed upstairs to unpack. Only I couldn't seem to do that. No matter what I did my thoughts kept all leading down the same path, to Jacob.

I flopped down on my bed thoroughly disgusted with myself. I needed to get over him and over him fast. The pre-Eric part of me whimpered at the thought, she craved the normalcy that Jake offered. The post-Eric part was busy repairing the walls around me that the other part was trying to tear down. _Wow I am completely crazy._ Grabbing my iPod I listened to Apocalyptica as loud as I could stand.

One minute I was by myself the next Jake was standing in my doorway. "JESUS! How the hell did you get in?" Yeah I was yelling at him, but holy crap he had scared the daylights out of me.

Jake leaned against the doorframe of my bedroom. "You left the door open."

My gaze narrowed on him. _Like hell I did. _I always check and double check all the doors when I'm home by myself. "Bullshit."

Jake laughed and the damn traitorous butterflies took flight. "I have a key."

I crossed my arms over my chest clearly not buying it. "Try again."

"I forced it open." Jake explained with a shrug his wide shoulders.

"You didn't." I said shocked at how calm he was about it. I thought for sure he was kidding but his eyes were serious. I groaned trying to think of how I was going to explain this to Charlie when he got home. "Why the hell did you do that? Charlie's going to kill me!"

Jake pushed off the door frame, grabbing my computer chair and spinning it around to sit backwards on it. If I wasn't worrying about the lecture I was sure to get from Charlie once he saw the door I would have laughed. Jake was so big he made my computer chair look like a kids chair. "I was worried. I knocked for like ten minutes and you didn't answer. And you don't need to worry about Charlie. I'll make sure he knows it was me. Not that I really have to tell him I'm sure."

I sat down on the edge of my bed closest to him. "What's that suppose to mean?"

Jake grinned at me. "That no one would believe for a second that you could break it."

I laughed and the sound startled me. Shit. _I'm doing it again. _I was relaxing around him, letting my guard down without even thinking about it. I forced myself back under control. I couldn't let this go on, it wasn't safe. "You shouldn't be here." All sound of teasing had left my voice but it didn't come out as stern as I had wanted it to.

Jake's smile only faltered for a second as he tried to make sense of my sudden mood swing. "Charlie has a no boys in the house rule?"

I stood up repressing the urge to roll my eyes. "I have a no boys in the house rule." Okay that almost came out like I meant business.

Jake pouted ever so slightly that I doubted he was even aware of it. But good lord did it go straight to my heart. "Awww…come on Nessie don't be like that."

Jake's eyes tracked me as I moved across the room to the doorway. "Don't be like what?" I asked slightly defensive. _Yeah I can admit it._

"Like that." When I just glared he sighed and continued. "You're thinking too much."

I laughed bitterly. _Ha! You don't know the half of it! _"Sorry I can't be one of the mindless twits I guess you're use to."

Jake stood suddenly looking serious. Guess I had hit a nerve. "You don't know me."

I smirked. "Now you're getting it. We don't know each other." Yeah I was being a bitch but I had to be. Already my hands itched to reach out and touch him, to bathe in the calm warmth his touch would bring. _Good Lord I'm addicted already._

I expected him to get angry, not to start grinning. "So we change that."

I shoved my hands in my back pockets. "No we don't."

"Ness." Jake stood up and took a step towards me.

I put my hand up to stop him before he could come any closer. "I mean it Jake. I'm sure you're a really great guy but I'm like severely damaged goods. You don't want to have to deal with my baggage. Hell _I_ don't want to deal with it."

He reached out capturing my hand with his and pulled me closer to him. The back of my hand rested against his warm strong chest. The smile in his eyes, his teasing nature was suddenly gone, replaced with a strange sense of urgency and seriousness. I could have sworn his eyes had darkened ever so slightly as I stared up into his handsome face. "Why don't you let me decide that?"

"No." I squeaked. _Oh momma._ The tone he had used. It was dark and sinful and made me want to say yes to everything and anything. _Get a hold of yourself!_

Both his eyes and his voice softened. "Please."

I caught a glimpse of his vulnerability before it was replaced by the beginning of hurt. He was fighting dirty, but it was working. I felt horrible as I looked up at him. "I'm not ready for what you want."

Finally a half smirk tilted his perfect lips. "How do you know what I want?"

"I…uhhh…." I stammered as my face turned ten shades of red under his amused gaze.

"Exactly. You're guessing, but I'll let you in on a little secret." He leaned down until his mouth was at my ear. His warm breath washed over my ear, causing chills to race down my spine. "I just want to spend time with you, get to know you."

I swallowed hard. I was suddenly very aware of how close he was, how alone we were and just where we were. Some part of my brain registered that with just the slightest turn of my head our lips would be perfectly aligned. _This is bad, REAL bad._ I cleared my throat before I could speak again, "sure you do."

Jake stood back up to his full height grinning yet again. "You doubt me? This can't be!"

I couldn't help but laugh at his feigned hurt, the pathetically sad look on his face. "Just calling it as I see it."

A short chuckle left him. "Just give a guy a chance."

I shook my head. "I shouldn't."

A wicked grin curved his lips. "But you are."

I chewed my bottom lip. I should say no. I should kick him out of the house and never see him again. But I wasn't going to, and we both knew it. He had somehow figured it out before me though. "Just friends and that's all." Yeah I used the whole 'mom means business' tone. I hate to admit it but I was serious and I needed him to understand that.

Jake smiled and I could feel the butterflies causing havoc in my stomach. "Just friends." He agreed but I had the feeling he was already up to something, that he could be more devious then I ever would have guessed.

I was about to ask what now when his phone went off. Dropping the hand he had been holding the entire time he fished it out of his back pocket. "Fuck." He groaned. "I gotta head out Nessie. I forgot I had shit to take care of."

"Yeah okay." I replied wondering what the text he had just read said. He was obviously not looking forward to whatever he had to go do.

Jake turned and headed towards the front door. "I'll stop back over when I'm done."

My reply was immediate. "You shouldn't."

He grinned at me over his shoulder. "But I will."

I shook my head. "Do you ever listen?"

"If you listen to what everyone says? No, never." He answered with a wink as we came to the front door.

I sighed realizing what Rachel had said was right. He was stubborn and there would be no changing his mind once it was set. "Fine. I'll be here." I looked at the door which had obviously been opened by force. Man Charlie was going to be pissed when he got home. "I still can't believe you did that. Guess I'll like put a chair against it or something tonight."

Jake frowned looking at the broken door. "Not good enough. I'll spend the night."

I just looked at him like 'are you kidding me?' "Uhhh…no, you're not."

It was Jake's turn to give me the 'you're smarter than that look'. "It's not like that. Charlie wouldn't want you to spend the night by yourself here. I'll just crash on the couch."

He was right damn it! "I'll spend the night at Rachel's."

He shrugged his large shoulders. "I'll still spend the night here to keep an eye on the place. It is my fault that the door's broken in the first place."

Well that just didn't seem right. Guilt was gnawing at me. "Gah! Fine. I'll stay upstairs and you stay down stairs, no funny business. I mean it." I was poking him in the chest just so he got the message.

Jake of course was trying hard not to laugh. He crossed his heart and hoped to die. "You have my word."

Jake's phone went off yet again. Grumbling he deleted the text without even reading it. "Listen I'll see ya later."

"Okay."

We both stood there awkwardly wondering what to do. Jake finally turned and left. Once I couldn't see his rabbit, I let out a sigh of relief. I sank down on the couch staring at the broken front door. _What in the world have I gotten myself into?_

I sat there until the silence started to drive me insane. My head was spinning in circles as I tried to figure out what was going on with me and Jake. I knew I shouldn't be with him. I shouldn't spend any more time with him then I had, yet when he was here I couldn't say no. _I need to grow a spine._

Turning on the television I flipped through the channels, nothing was on. Okay, maybe there was, but I was still thinking about how I had agreed to not only let Jake come back over but to spend the night. As I sat there I felt the walls closing in. I needed more space, I needed to be outside.

Slipping on my sneakers, I grabbed my cell phone and iPod and headed out the door. Directly to the left was a forest with at least one clearly marked path Charlie had said. I hunted at the edge of the forest for the path and found it. _Score._

So I know walking through a forest with your iPod in isn't the greatest idea but I wasn't really thinking about that. I was thinking about getting a little piece of mind again. And I was. Admiring the beautiful foliage surrounding me as I listened to A7X was a recipe for a breath of peace. At least it was at first.

The further I walked into the forest the darker it got and the more alone I felt. Unease was starting to settle in the pit of my stomach. _Time to head back._ I turned off my iPod and placed it in my pocket as I walked slightly faster back in the direction I had just come. The hair on the back of my neck stood up as the feeling of being watched washed over me.

I stopped dead in my tracks trying to hear. The forest was eerily quiet all of a sudden. I heard rustling in the area to my left and I immediately turned to look only to find nothing. "Jake? Jake I swear if that's you this isn't funny!" I yelled as I looked around trying to see if I could see anyone. Of course I couldn't.

I've never before wished to be crazy but that was way better then the reality of being out here alone like a moron with someone stalking me. A sound to my right had me turning that way. "I mean it! Guys this isn't funny! Knock it off!" It had to be someone playing games. I could totally see Jake messing with me, maybe.

The silence was broken by what could only be described as an evil laugh. _Ohhhkay not someone I know. _I took off running as fast as I could towards the house. Whoever it was they were close yet always out of sight. I know cause I did like every stupid girl in every horror movie did, I kept looking back to check.

Of course we all know what happened, I fell. Just like every girl in any horror movie ever made. I use to make fun of them. Their deaths are always their own fault because of the stupid stuff they do. _Like going into the woods by themselves without letting anyone know._ _I'm so not dying._ I scrambled back to my feet ignoring my bleeding palms.

"You smell delicious." The raspy deep voice said from somewhere in front of me. _Shit now what? _I looked around frantically with my path to safety cut off. Panic and fear flooded my system as my brain tried to come up with solutions fast.

A gush of air a lot like when a train passes you hit my face. I pivoted running back into the forest. It was that or die I was sure of it. A tree fell in front of me almost taking me down with it. I screamed and bolted to the left. I was past thinking as I jumped over logs and rocks trying desperately to stay ahead of whatever was behind me.

I fell again and again as I struggled to make it through the underbrush as fast as I could. My palms and knees took the brunt of it, leaving their mark and my blood in their wake. Rocks tumbling from above had me turning to the right. I was deep in the forest by now and completely screwed since darkness was falling fast.

I reached an opening in the forest only to realize it was all but a cliff. _No, no, no. _I was frantic, pushing my sweat drenched hair out of my face. _I can't be trapped. I CAN'T!_ I was on the verge of a complete meltdown. I felt it bubbling up to claim me to its madness, only if it did, I would be dead. I couldn't defend myself if my mind was busy tearing itself apart.

I turned back to face whoever it was. A shadow separated itself from the rest. The guy was HUGE but I couldn't make out much more than an outline of him. "Now now. Don't go and get yourself killed…yet."

I took a step back as he took a step towards me. _There's a way out of this, think, THINK DAMN IT!_ I looked behind me. There was a small ledge about half way down the cliff. If I could just make it there he couldn't reach me. I'd be safe and then just praying someone would find me before I starved to death. Deciding that was better than dying right now, I sent a quick prayer not to die in my attempt to live, up God's way and jumped.

One second I was falling the next it felt like a mac truck hit me mid air. The air was knocked out of my lungs as strong arms locked around me like a vise. I saw the other side of the opposite cliff speeding towards us. _This is it. _I closed my eyes and braced for death.

Sharp pieces of rock tore flesh from my bones as earth exploded around me. Rock and dirt pelted my body as I finally lay still free of the vise. _Am I dead? _Every inch of my body was screaming in agony. _I'm in too much pain to be dead._

Slowly I opened my eyes a little while trying to feign unconsciousness. I needed to find out where my attacker was, if he was hurt too. _God I hope so. _I saw his body lying still a good twenty feet away from me. At least I thought it was his body. There was only a sliver of moonlight coming through to light where I laid. Deciding it was now or never, I tried to move only to realize my right foot wouldn't budge. I looked down at it; a very large rock had it pinned. I tried in vain to get my foot free. The stupid rock was more like a bolder and wouldn't freaking budge no matter how hard I pushed on it.

When I saw the other body starting to move slowly I wanted to scream, or cry, or both. I tried frantically to get free as he stood and dusted himself off. "You're going to pay for making me ruin my favorite suit."

I pressed against the wall of the cavern we had somehow ended up in. "What are you?" My voice was shaking, and an octave higher thanks to the fear pumping through my system.

He crouched down in front of me, grabbing my chin in his large hand and holding it still with enough force to bring tears to my eyes. "Look into my eyes and know death."

His eyes were blood red and shining with the sick pleasure he was getting from this. I couldn't process what I was seeing, it was too much. I retreated into myself as protection, my mind shutting itself off from the unbelievable. The same thing had happened when my parents died, it was my survival mechanism. Only this time I was sure it wasn't needed, I wasn't going to survive this.

As if this wasn't enough, a low very dangerous growl came from the opening in the cave wall I had come through. We both looked towards the sound, a huge wolf, bigger than I ever knew them to get stood in the entrance. The man stood and he was almost face to face with the wolf it was that large. The wolf snarled and snapped causing my would be killer to back away from me. "It can't be." I heard him whisper in disbelief.

From outside I could hear the howls of several wolves close by and I wasn't the only one who heard it. Red eyes looked scared as crap, like he was the one now facing death.

"Come any closer and I'll kill her." Was he really speaking to the wolf like he could understand him? _My insanity must be rubbing off._

Maybe the wolf could because it growled low and long as if warning against that. Chaos erupted in front of me as the wolf lunged at Red Eyes at the exact moment he lunged for me. The sound of the two hitting the far wall hurt my ears. I closed my eyes as the impact caused a fresh wave of dirt and rock to rain down on me.

When I opened my eyes again both were gone as if they'd never been there. Panic swelled as the threads of my sanity started to unravel. I was going to have a complete mental breakdown right here in this Godforsaken cavern thingy.

A soft snort had my head snapping back up to the entrance, the wolf was back. "Great escape a lunatic to be eaten alive by a wolf. This is fucking bullshit." Yeah I'm swearing but damn it you would be too if you were me right now.

The wolf whined as it lay down in the entrance. It covered it's snout with its front paws and lowered its ears like IT was afraid of ME. I watched as it slowly crawled over to me on its stomach, letting out a yelp when it was almost within reaching distance. It was still too dark to make out its coloring but it looked brownish maybe, with surprisingly intelligent eyes. I had no doubt that I was looking into the face of an alpha male in his prime.

I didn't breathe as the wolf sniffed my up turned hand that was lying closest to it. _Please don't kill me._ After a minute it licked my palm which burned like all get out from all the cuts in it. The wolf whined and nudged my hand much like a family dog that wanted petting. Gently I rubbed its head, making its fur sticky with my blood as I did. Almost immediately I started to feel better. The panic and fear subsiding enough that I could start to think again. "If only you were Lassie I could send you to go get me help."

The wolf barked and jumped up towering over me. I covered my ears as it threw its head up and howled. A second later I watched feeling deflated as it took off out of the cavern. I was alone, hurt and bleeding in the woods and no one knew where I was. My only hope was Jake. That he would come over to my house like he said he would, and find me missing.

I rested my head back against the cold rock wall. Closing my eyes I prayed to God for the first real time since my parents had died. I didn't want that to happen to Charlie. I didn't want him to come home and find out a loved one was dead. _Please God let Jake find me alive. Don't put Charlie through the hell I'm going through. I'll do anything, just give me a sign. I'm begging you, please._


	16. Guilt, Rage, and Anguish

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello my wonderful readers! I'm sorry you're not getting posts like I use to but I'm trying to juggle a bunch of stuff right now. My goal is to get something new up every one to two weeks for ya tho! So far I think I've kept that up. Any how I love you all and don't forget to review! It seriously makes the muse giddy when I open up my inbox and see them waiting there. Lol. Anyhow this chapter is written from Jake's POV. I hope you like it! *MUAH***

I was on my way to Carrie's house trying to figure out what the fuck I was going to say to her. Somehow I doubted 'it's over' would cut it. "Fuck." I breathed as I pulled up to her house. _Should have just texted her._ I had no sooner thought it then I knew I couldn't have done it. I was an asshole but shit that would have been messed up even for me.

Deciding just to get it over with I climbed out of the car. After all the sooner I got this over with the sooner I could get back to Nessie. Yeah I'm pretty damn sure I had a huge ass grin on my face with just the thought of her, but she was my world now. How could I not be happy with her in my life? Even if she did try to pick fights with me so I would go away. Lucky for her I saw through her plan and I'm way to damn stubborn to let it work.

I was thinking of my girl when Carrie opened the door. She of course mistook my smile for me being happy to see her. At least I was guessing that's why she didn't look as angry as I knew she would be. Crossing her arms over her chest she stood in the doorway looking slightly pissed. "You better have a good reason for being late Jacob Black."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I was busy."

Carrie's eyes shot daggers at me, now that gotten her pissed off. "Doing what?"

"Breaking and entering." I answered with a smirk knowing it would add fuel to the fire even if it was the truth.

Carrie got right up in my face, poking my chest with her index finger. "JACOB BLACK! You better not have! I will not have a common criminal for a boyfriend!"

"Yeah, well about that…"

I don't know what my face looked like but her face fell as all of her anger seemed to just vanish. She was afraid. Not only could I see it in her eyes I could smell it starting to ooze out of her. "I'm not such a bitch that I'm going to break up with you because of it."

"You don't need to worry about that." It came out a little colder then I had wanted. Hell this all was, but fuck me if I could seem to change my tone to anything different.

Her eyes went wide as she looked up at me confused. "Wha...what's that suppose to mean?"

I sighed as I rubbed the back of my neck. I didn't want to hurt her but there wasn't any way to get around it. "It means what you think it means Carrie."

She got so pale I worried about her fainting. I knew she wouldn't be happy but I didn't think she'd take it this hard. I mean we both knew this wasn't a forever kind of thing. I couldn't be the guy she wanted me to be, not now, not ever. Her voice was so faint when she spoke I could barely hear her. "You're…you're breaking up with me?"

I felt like the world's biggest asshole as her eyes filled with unshed tears. "Listen Carrie we both knew this wasn't going to last. I'm not the kind of guy you need. I'm an asshole and you deserve better." Yeah that sounded believable. I had to make myself sound bad so she'd think she was better off without me.

Guilt kicked me in the gut as tears started to slip down her cheeks. "But I love you."

Fuck, hadn't seen that one coming. I tried to think of something to say but came up blank. I didn't love her, I never had, and I wouldn't lie and say I had. Instead I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry." I turned and left, her sobs echoing behind me as I climbed behind the wheel.

I didn't go straight back to Renesmee's house. I drove around trying to get my conscious to leave me the hell alone. What the hell was I suppose to do? Carrie didn't mean anything to me now; Nessie was my world and always would be. Still I felt like an asshole and I was sure Nessie would pick up on it and I just didn't have the answers to the questions she would most likely ask.

About two hours later I pulled up to her house. I could already picture her. Her eyes dancing with laughter as I coaxed a rare smile from her. Yeah I hadn't missed that I was the only one who had gotten one from her as far as I could tell.

The car was barely in park as I jumped out of it and trotted up to the door. I paused, careful to knock so as to not scare her. I waited patiently for a minute before knocking again, this time louder. "Nessie? It's me Jake. Open up."

Another minute and still nothing, something wasn't right. With a 'fuck it' attitude I pushed my way inside, only it was easier than it should have been. Nothing was blocking the broken door. "NESS!" I yelled as I stepped inside. Taking the steps two at a time I went up to her room, she wasn't there. I checked the rest of the house only to come up empty handed.

I realized that her scent while everywhere wasn't as strong as it would be if she had just left. I inhaled again; yeah she had been gone for an hour maybe two. Without thinking about what I was doing I followed her scent outside and to the edge of the forest. _What the hell is up with these Swan girls and their traipsing in the forest alone?_

My shirt was off before I was even in the forest. I could track her better and faster in my wolf form. As soon as I couldn't be seen I finished stripping, tying my shorts around my leg and phasing. The forest came alive around me. There was no way to describe the way everything looked through my wolf senses. My vision, smell, and hearing were all so much clearer. There was a connection to nature you simply couldn't feel or understand as a human.

My worry increased as I went deeper into the forest. What had she been thinking coming this far into a forest she didn't know? Everything inside me froze as a sickening sweet smell burned my nose. _Fucking bloodsucker was following my girl._ Rage made everything go red with the thought. I lunged forward, my four legs eating the distance in front of me at a blinding pace.

I was going to kill it. Rip it limb from limb for just thinking about touching my girl.

"_Where are you?"_

It was Embry's voice in my head. Guess he had been out for a run too. _"Cullen land. About a mile or two from the divide."_

"_I'm heading back to get the others. Don't engage it if it's on their land. You're in enough trouble for being in wolf form on it, as it is."_

I snorted. Like fuck I was going to hang back and wait. I was going to make the fucker pay, I had to. The need to spill its blood burned in every cell of my being.

Embry did the equivalent to a mental sigh. _"Damn it Jake at least chase it into our territory first." _

"_Can't make any promises." _The smell of blood, Renesmee's blood had me tuning out everything else. She was hurt, bleeding and alone with a bloodsucker. My insides shook with the ferocity of my rage and fury as fear settled as a dead weight in my stomach. It couldn't get its filthy hands on her, it couldn't hurt her. I refused to even entertain the thought.

My legs screeched to a halt as I came to the edge of a cliff. My heart sank as I realized she had jumped off it. I looked down afraid of what I would see. Dirt floated up from a fresh hole that was on the other side of the cliff. It was too high up for me to jump straight down without getting hurt and then I wouldn't be any good to Nessie.

I raced to find a way down to her. She was so close, I could smell her scent buried beneath the stench of the vampire as I got to the bottom. I didn't stop until I was in the opening on the side of the cliff. The bloodsucker was crouched in front of her, touching her. I growled low and long the sound reverberating in the cavern around me. The bloodsucker was dead he just didn't realize it yet.

Both it and Ness turned to look at me. "It can't be." It whispered as my fury was renewed by Nessie's dirty blood smeared face. She was hurt and scared, no doubt thinking she was about to die. _The only thing dying is the bloodsucker who dared to hurt my girl._

"_We're here." _I heard in my head.

"_Howl." _I commanded. The bloodsucker needed to know he wasn't facing just one werewolfbut a whole pack of them.

The moment the bloodsucker heard my boys he looked about ready to shit himself. _Yeah mother fucker I'm not alone._

"Come any closer and I'll kill her." It warned and I growled. _Wrong answer. _

I lunged for it as it went to strike Nessie. We landed against the far wall with enough force to shake the earth around us. Before I could get my muzzle around its throat it threw me off and raced out of the cavern. I chased it across the divide and into our territory. Right on cue my boys were there beside me. We formed a giant V as we raced after it. I only gave up the lead position when Sam came up beside me. _"Go to her we've got this Jake."_

I didn't need to be told twice.I immediately turned back towards Nessie. I was back at the cavern before you could blink. Nessie sat there so still I was afraid she wasn't breathing. I let out a soft snort to try and get her attention.

"Great escape a lunatic to be eaten alive by a wolf. This is fucking bullshit." She mumbled to herself.

It would have been cute if the entire cavern wasn't filled with the smell of her fear. I let out a soft whine and lay down on my stomach. I was trying to look as docile as I could so I could get close. She needed me I could sense it yet I had to be careful. She seemed dangerously close to losing it, not that I could blame her.

It seemed like it took an eternity to get over to her with her watching me like a hawk the entire time. I heard her suck in a deep breath as I sniffed her up turned hand. She wasn't relaxing, she needed to relax. Her heart was still beating way too fast. I licked her hand much like a dog would in hopes that it would relax her.

I let out a whine of worry. She seemed like she was in shock. I nudged her hand when she didn't respond to my whine. It seemed to work because she started to pet my head. I could feel the tension begin to ease out of her almost immediately. After a minute or two she let out a small sigh. "If only you were Lassie I could send you to go get me help."

"_We lost him Jake you need to get her home now."_ Sam wasn't happy, none of the voices in my head were.

I jumped up and howled my anger, not the smartest thing I decided as I looked down into Ness's scared face. Sam was right I needed to get her home and have Carlisle check her. She needed medical attention that was obvious. I rushed out of the cave and phased back into my human form. After slipping on my shorts I headed back over to the cavern.

Nessie was sitting with her head resting back against the cavern wall with her eyes closed. "Ness, you in there?"

Her eyes snapped open as a small broken whimper left her lips. "Jake? Oh God Jake is it really you?"

"I'm here Ness." I said as I moved over to her quickly. Tears had started to run down her cheeks as soon as I had spoken. I cupped her face trying to brush away her tears as she wrapped her arms around me as best she could.

"Jake." Her voice broke on my name. It was killing me to see her like this.

"Don't worry I'm gonna get you out of here." She didn't respond as I loosened myself from her grasp so I could move the boulder crushing her ankle. As soon as it was free I scooped her up into my arms. She buried her face in my neck as she fell apart in my arms.

I would rather be missing a limb than watch Nessie in this much pain. I would never forgive myself for letting this happen to her.

Our trip back to the house took twice as long it did for me to get to the cavern. I didn't want to cause her anymore pain then she was already in. I tried talking to her but she wasn't responding to anything. I grew more worried as the house came into view.

"We're home now, you're safe." I frowned, still nothing from her. I put her down gently on the couch. I wanted to lay her on her bed but she was covered in dirt and blood. Fuck I needed to get her cleaned up.

"I'll be right back. I'm just going to get a bath started for you."

I had just stood up and took a step away when her panic voice stopped me. "Jake!"

I was over at her in a second. "What's wrong?"

Her lips trembled as her haunted eyes looked up at me. "Don't…"

She didn't need to finish her sentence; I knew what she was going to say. Without another word I picked her back up in my arms and carried her up to the bathroom sitting her down on the toilet before heading over to the tub.

When it was filled with sweet smelling bubble stuff girls liked I turned back to her. "I'll leave so you can get in the shower."

"Don't…"

She was killing me. "Okay I'll just face the wall until you're in the tub."

I could hear the rustling of her clothing being slowly removed with some difficulty. Her gasp had me turning around just in time to catch her as she lost her balance and fell. "Falling for me already huh?" I asked trying to coax some sort of smile from her, anything to show she was going to be okay. A small smile lifted the corner of her mouth.

She huffed as I placed her into the tub. I know what you're thinking and no she wasn't naked. She had left her bra and underwear on. Not that it mattered, sex or anything close to it was, for once, nowhere in my thought process. I was worried about her, really worried.

I squatted beside the tub brushing a stray strand of hair out of her face. "I'm going to give you some privacy, okay?"

Panic filled eyes captured mine. "You're leaving?"

I gave her a reassuring smile. "I'm just going to be outside of the door."

She relaxed visibly. "Okay."

I gave her one last smile before standing and heading out the door. I needed to call Bella and let her know what was going on. I sighed. _This is not going to be fun._


	17. Mending the Broken

I walked back over to the door to the bathroom and cracked it open. "You still okay Ness?"

"Yeah." I didn't like how weak and shaky her voice sounded. My vision went red for a second as the rage I was still feeling boiled to the surface. I was going to hunt and kill the bloodsucker who had done this to her if it was the last thing I did.

"Jake?"

The sound of Bella's voice snapped me out of my rage. "Yeah it's me. Listen I need your help."

"Alice saw the attack, we're on our way to the house now. Is she okay?" Worry filled her voice, colored her words.

I made my way down the hall not wanting Nessie to over hear my conversation with Bella. "I'm not sure. She's not really talking, I think she's in shock."

"Carlisle's with us, he'll examine her to make sure she's okay."

"Just hurry." I ordered before hanging up the phone and heading back to Nessie. I opened the door seeing that she was mostly clean, all except her hair. I knelt besides her making sure I kept my voice as soft as I could get it. "Nessie, a doctor is on the way to make sure you're okay."

Panic filled eyes met mine when she turned her face towards me. "You're staying, right?"

"I won't leave until you tell me to, promise." It was the first promise I had made since my last one to Bella. I didn't want to be obligated to do anything for anyone. Nessie had no idea how big a deal what I had just said was. "Need help with your hair?"

"Yeah. I can't move my arm, it hurts too bad." When she winced I wanted to kill that vampire all over again. As soon as I was sure she was safe I was going hunting.

"I got this." I smiled as I grabbed her shampoo and poured it into my hands. "Think you can help me out and sink down under the water for a second?"

"I'm injured not paralyzed." She huffed before ducking her head under the water for a second. I smiled because I couldn't help it. The small hint of attitude was a heavy weight lifted off my chest. _She's going to be okay._

I worked my hands through the tangled mess that was her hair. "Let me know if I hurt you okay?" I wasn't used to being gentle but I was trying my best.

"You won't hurt me." She half sighed as her eyes closed. She relaxed under my touch, a fact that made me too fucking happy. If she was to look up right now she'd see a small grin on my face.

Against my will I forced myself to finish shampooing her hair. After all we'd have company soon. "Go ahead and rinse."

Nessie ducked under the water again. Just as she sat back up I heard movement outside. _Took them fucking long enough._ "I think I just saw car lights, you might want to get dried off. I'll go get you clothes."

Nessie let her head fall forward, keeping her beautiful face from my view. "Thanks."

I had just stepped out of the bathroom as Bella made her way to the top of the stairs. "Bout time you fucking got here."

"We couldn't show up two seconds after you called us now could we?"

I forced back my growl when Edward spoke. But not because of the normal reasons. For once I wasn't mad at him for well being him. I was angry because Nessie was hurt. _I had let her get hurt. _I was angry with myself but I took it out on him. "Listen here bloodsucker..."

"Jacob, Edward, stop. This is about May, not you two. Where is she?"

I looked at Bella and for the first time my heart didn't ache. I expected pain, but that didn't come. I felt nothing, for the first time in my life I felt nothing towards Bella. "She's in the bathroom getting cleaned up. I was just about to go get some clean clothes out of her room so she could change."

"I'll do it. You can go downstairs and fill Carlisle in with how she's been since you found her." I would have argued but Nessie would most likely need help getting dressed and would be more comfortable with Bella doing that than me.

"Fine but let her know I'm just downstairs. I promised her I wouldn't leave." That earned me a skeptical look from both Bella and Edward. I chose to ignore it and head downstairs. I didn't need to explain myself to anyone but Nessie.

**Nessie's POV**

I was expecting Jake, not Bella when the door opened. I frowned, I know I did but I couldn't help it. Having him near was the only thing keeping me from having a total meltdown. My whole body was in agony and it was a miracle I had managed to keep the tears at bay this long.

"Are you okay?" She asked closing the door behind her, clean clothes for me in her hands.

I opened up my mouth to say I was fine but I couldn't get it out. I wasn't fine. Instead I shook my head as tears welled up in my eyes. "It'll be okay. Carlisle is down stairs ready to examine you."

"Carlisle?" The second I tried to stand up pain raced up my leg causing a curse to leave my lips as I fell. Bella was there before I could blink, talk about embarrassing. "Shit my ankle hurts as bad as my arm."

"We need to get you dressed so Carlisle can examine your ankle." She said still squatted in front of me.

"Who's Carlisle?" I asked as I struggled to put on my pajamas. I suddenly wished I just slept in an over sized shirt not my neon blue and black pajamas that had penguins in more neon colors on them.

Bella helped me when I got stuck trying to get my shirt on. Good thing the pain was starting to get to me or I would have been completely mortified by it. "He's my father in law and a doctor. You're in good hands I promise."

"If he has good pain meds he's perfect." I said groaning as I tried to get back up.

"I'm sure he does." Bella said putting my good arm around her shoulders before wrapping her other arm around my waist. Slowly we made our way down to where I could hear hushed voices. Well Jake's wasn't so hushed and from what I heard he wasn't happy with how long it had taken the others to get here.

"It's not like they could fly here." I said causing all three heads to swivel in my direction. I immediately tensed under their scrutiny. There was an older blonde man who I assumed was Carlisle, a younger wavy haired guy I had never seen before, and Jake. _Jake._ Just seeing him made me feel better. _Weird._

The blonde man smiled, "Hello Renesseme, I'm Carlisle. I'm going to examine your injuries, okay?"

Without thinking I looked at Jake who smiled and nodded his approval. "I got hurt awhile back and Carlisle fixed me up good as new." I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

"Just relax on the couch, this will be over in a minute." Carlisle had a very calming, reassuring way about him and I had no doubt he was a good doctor. Bella helped me over to the couch with me wincing the entire time.

"What hurts the worst?" Carlisle asked as he replaced Bella at my side. My whole body went rigid as he got close. I know he's a doctor, but I can't help myself. Ever since…since. I shut off that train of thought; no way did I want to go there now.

"My ankle." I barely managed to get out my good hand fisting into a ball. _Jake, I need Jake._ No sooner had I thought his name then I felt my fisted hand being lifted into a much warmer one. My tension drained out of me as I looked up into his smiling face. If you weren't paying attention you would miss the worry in his eyes but I didn't. Since meeting Jacob he was all I could think about. I was telling myself that it was because of the way he managed to calm me down, feel…normal. _Yeeeeeahhh THAT was it. _You should at least be able to lie to yourself. It should be some kind of rule. My eyes trailed from his perfect face to our hands. I don't know when it happened but my hand had uncurled as was now currently intertwined with his much larger one.

"You know if you wanted to hold my hand again you could have just said something. Getting hurt is a bit drastic." And there was his trademark smirk, the one that made my heart speed up.

"Keep dreaming." Good God why did my voice always come out so breathy when he smiled at me like that?!

"Tell me if this hurts." I hissed in pain, tears springing to my eyes as Carlisle moved the ankle that had been smashed by the boulder.

"Yes!" I yelped out trying to pull my leg out of his grasp out of reflex.

"You almost done Carlisle?" If I wasn't writhing in agony I would have heard the growl in Jake's tone, the clear warning that if he wasn't, he needed to be.

"Her ankle is broken, how bad I won't know until I get her to the hospital for x-rays."

A voice I hadn't expected to hear suddenly filled the room. "X-rays? What's going on? Someone needs to fill me in now with what happened. I knew I shouldn't have left."

I groaned. _Great, Charlie's home. _He was going to freak out, I knew it.

"I'll explain in the other room while Carlisle finishes examining her." Bella volunteered already leading him out of the room by his arm, the other guy who I had forgotten all about following them out. How was she going to explain what I wasn't sure of? _A man with blood-red eyes chased me through a forest and when I jumped he somehow flew through the air and crashed through solid rock without killing us both? I mean what WAS he? No human could survive that, but what else could he have been?_ Panic and terror was starting to return. _Maybe I had lost it, gone officially crazy. It was just a matter of time after all, I'm a complete nutcase._

All of a sudden a very worried Jacob was in my face, pushing my hair out of it so he could look me in the eyes. "Shhhh. It's okay Nessie, you're safe, we'll figure out the rest later."

I blinked at him. "What?" How had he known what I was thinking, could he read minds?

He lowered his voice to a whisper. "You were talking out loud."

_Of course I was, awesome._ This night just all around sucked, plain and simple. As if on cue Charlie came back into the room looking less than pleased. "Everyone out. I'm taking May to the hospital for xrays."

"I'm coming with." Jake said standing up blocking my view of Charlie.

"You're going home Jacob. I got a call from your father and you're needed back there."

Jake snorted. "Not likely." I couldn't see Charlie but if it mimicked Jake's stance we might be in for trouble. His whole body screamed that he wasn't going to go anywhere any time soon.

"Go home now or you're not going to be welcomed back here anytime soon." I stopped breathing. Charlie meant business you could hear it from the tone of his voice. The mere thought of not seeing Jake for awhile scared me almost as much as whatever the hell happened today.

Jake turned to look down at me his face softening at the look of fear and panic on my face. Suddenly the tension was gone from his body. "Fine but I'll be back tomorrow."

"Maybe. If she's up to seeing visitors."

"I will be." I piped up from my spot on the couch. Funny how a whole room could be talking about you seemingly having forgotten that you're sitting right there hearing it.

Some of Charlie's anger drained once he got a good look at me. _Guess looking like shit is good for something after all._

"We're heading to the hospital now." Clearly he expected me to argue but the truth was that the pain was getting bad enough I wanted to go. My entire leg was starting to throb, not to mention my arm and the rest of my beaten up body.

"Okay."

"I'll carry her out to the car." Jake announced as he turned back to me. He picked me up so carefully it seemed to be happening in slow motion. As soon as he had me in his arms I rested my head on his shoulder. I felt safe here, protected, almost cared for. Not to mention all the tension was gone from my body along with the panic that had been slowly choking me.

"Thanks." I whispered to him as he carried me past everyone.

"What are knights for?" I could hear the smirk in his voice even if I couldn't see his face.

"Knights?"

A soft chuckle left his lips. "I did save a damsel in distress did I not?"

He must have hit his head on the way out of the cave; it's the only explanation for his current train of thought. "I'm not a damsel."

He snorted, actually snorted. "The hell you aren't."

I tried to look at him, see if he was serious, but the light from the house didn't make it to his face. "I'm too tired and in too much pain to argue with you right now."

"Because you know I'm right, can't argue with the truth." Again with that smug tone to his voice. If I was feeling better I would smack him for it.

Instead I rolled my eyes and sighed. I know passive aggressive but get over it. "Whatever. Maybe you should come along and get your head examined while we're there."

"I think I'll pass." Somehow he managed to hold me and open the car door, something I sure as hell couldn't have done. Then again I couldn't carry another person if my life depended on it. Gently he placed me into the passenger seat careful of my bum ankle and arm. "Do you want me to come with you to the hospital? Cause if you do, I'm there. Ta hell with what Charlie or my dad says."

He was serious. I couldn't believe it. He really would disobey their wishes if I wanted him to. I smiled inwardly at the thought. "It's okay, hospitals are boring. Go home and get some sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Not the answer he wanted but he was respecting what I wanted. Or least that's how it seemed judging by the slightest frown that graced his lips. "If you're sure…"

I smiled at him despite the pain I was in. "I am, now go home before you're not allowed to come visit me."

Jacob and I both looked to the door when we heard it shutting. Charlie had come outside looking pissed. Jake looked back down at me before saying quickly, "call me when you get home from the hospital, okay?"

I nodded even though I knew I most likely wouldn't. It was getting late enough as it was and hospitals took forever to see people. Charlie spoke as he got inside the car, "Your father's waiting for you Jacob."

"I'll see you later Nessie." Jake had barely gotten the words out before Charlie put the car in reverse and backed out.

At first Charlie tried talking to me, tried to find out what had happened but I wasn't into talking. With Jake gone my head was becoming a whirlwind of chaos. I couldn't figure out what had really happened. No way had I actually been attacked, it must have been a hallucination. Either way I wasn't ever telling anyone the truth, if I did they would lock me up in the loony bin for sure. _Hell maybe it wasn't real, maybe I'm just really going crazy._ And that was my biggest fear.


	18. Seconds to Implosion

It took forever to get back home from the hospital, even with Carlisle, doctor Cullen, whatever you want to call him with us. I was okay, mostly cut and bruised, my left shoulder and ankle had caught the worst of it. I had managed to break both of them in my fall. _Go figure._ He thought at first I would need surgery, but after checking my xrays decided that wasn't necessary. For my ankle I was in a splint for the weekend, a cast being put on once the swelling went down some. Carlisle seemed to think that when I had my check up on Monday that it should be good enough for the cast. Of course after that it was four to eight weeks of the cast and crutches duo depending on how fast my ankle healed.

My shoulder was another subject all together. That was going to be in a sling for two to four weeks and then I got to enjoy physical therapy for the next six months to a year. Which by my calculation meant by the time school rolled around again my shoulder would be out of its sling but I would most likely still be in a cast and on crutches, just the first impression I wanted to make. My deep sigh disrupted the quiet silence that had settled in Charlie's cruiser.

"I'm going to see if I can get someone to cover my shifts this weekend." He offered up out of nowhere, his eyes still glued to the road. I liked to think it was because he had no idea how to handle the crying mess I had become in the hospital. I had tried to stay strong but the minute Jake had left me I had broken. The past had mixed with the present; the emotional pain with the physical until I felt like both my body and soul had been broken all over again.

I had completely forgotten about Charlie's double shift this weekend. Guilt kicked me hard in the gut as I realized yet again my thoughtlessness had messed everything up. I had come to realize that Charlie was a good man. His rules had a purpose and while he wasn't good at expressing how he felt any more than I was, I could tell he cared about me. "It's only two days, I'll be okay while you're at the station."

"You're having a hard time getting around. You're going to need help."

He was right of course but it didn't make me happy. As it was I had to remind myself not to grind my teeth. "Then I'll call Rachael. I know she'll come stay with me."

"I should be the one to stay with you." He sounded guilty, like this was somehow his fault.

"I promise we won't go anywhere. You know I'm no good with those crutches any way." I had all but fallen every five steps and knocked all kinds of things over or just smacked into them as we had made our way out of the hospital. Good thing I was able hide my scarlet face in my hair the entire time.

The reminder caused a small smile to crack his serious face. "You are pretty bad with them."

"Thanks a lot. Now will you please go so I have one less thing to feel bad about?" When he looked at me questioningly I clarified. "I don't want my thoughtlessness to make you go against your word."

Now I had him thoroughly confused. "What?"

I sighed. I didn't want to have to say it allowed. "I've ruined enough things for others I don't want to ruin this for you too." That wasn't the half of it, but I wasn't going there. I was the single reason my parents were dead. They were dead because of me. _It's all my fault._ I wiped at my eyes as I tried to hold back the tears.

I had hoped I had managed to do so without Charlie noticing but he had seen. I was sure of it. "Okay. But you won't go anywhere and I just might stop in to check on you two."

"Thank you." I sniffled out still trying to get myself under control. I had never been a crier before all this and now sometimes I couldn't seem to stop. It was annoying and frustrating and I hated it.

The rest of the car ride home was silent. I tried to keep from quietly crying and Charlie pretended he didn't hear me struggle to regain my composure. Once home Charlie helped me out of the car and hobble into the house. It really would be a miracle if I didn't break my neck before my ankle was healed and I could get my cast off. Steps were my enemy and I thoroughly hated each and every one of them already. Finally I made it up to the sanctuary of my room.

I immediately turned on my stereo, Apocolyptica filling the room not loud enough that Charlie would complain, but enough that he wouldn't hear what I was about to do. I crawled into the bed, curled into the fetal position and fell apart. I cried so hard my entire body shook with its force. Everything that I had been holding in came rushing out. Alone at night was when I could allow myself to show the grief that haunted me daily. Add to it my near death experience and you get why I was a complete mess.

Why was this stuff happening to me? What had I done to deserve this? Was I going crazy? Did I just make up what happened in the forest? Am I really starting to lose a grip on reality, confusing it with my hallucinations? All these thoughts and more whirled around inside my brain until my head hurt. I was tired, so tired and yet I knew I wouldn't sleep. I probably wouldn't sleep for weeks to come again now.

I flipped on my bedside lamp, the soft glow illuminating the night. It was three o'clock in the morning. I had been laying here for over an hour and was nowhere closer to falling asleep. Normally I would carefully sneak outside and just sit out there staring up at the stars. It was like I could feel my parents there with me. My mother had loved the stars and taught me every constellation by the time I was ten. Heck some of my favorite memories were of laying outside with her on a warm summer's night picking them out and just talking, about anything and everything.

My eyes started to well with tears and self loathing started to kick in hard. Pushing myself out of bed I hobbled over to the window. If I could just see them, maybe I would feel better, maybe. Thanks to the huge tree beside my window I couldn't see anything. _Maybe I could still go out without waking Charlie._ I looked down at my splinted ankle. If I hobbled down carefully without my crutches it just might be possible.

Ten minutes later I was letting myself out the back door my ankle throbbing slightly. _Maybe this wasn't a great idea. _I told myself that it was okay. I was just outside of the house and if I screamed Charlie would be down in a flash. The moon was almost full which meant I could see outside pretty well, adding to my feeling of safety. That was until the bushes to my right started to move. _Shit._ I struggled to get up realizing it had been a heck of a lot easier to sit down. I had just gotten to my feet as Jake emerged from the trees. "You scared me to death! What are you doing here?!" I whispered yelled when he got close enough I knew he could hear me.

Jake shrugged. "You never called me and I got worried."

"Cause it's like three o'clock in the morning."

"Which means you should be asleep." He sounded slightly like a father scolding a child which was completely ridiculous.

"So should you."

Jake rubbed the back of his neck. He sure looked tired to me. "I couldn't sleep."

Now that I could understand, I hadn't gotten much sleep in the past few months myself. "Me either." Of course just then I yawned because I was tired, so very tired, I just couldn't fall asleep.

"You wanna sit down, you look uncomfortable." He was looking at me intently and it was a little unnerving.

"Having a broken shoulder blade and ankle will do that to a person. But yeah standing here is killing my non gimpy leg." Before I could say anything else Jake had me in his arms, his strong, warm arms. And why did he always smell so good? It was three o'clock in the morning and still he smelled delicious. Meanwhile I looked like hell warmed over. "What are you doing?"

Jake just smiled down at me. "Carrying you inside. You sure you didn't hit your head earlier?"

"No but I'm thinking about hitting yours right about now." I said making a face at him.

His smile widened as he carried me inside the house. "But I saved you, you can't."

"You're right, you did, which by the way, thanks for doing that. How did you find me anyhow?" We were whispering now not wanting to wake up Charlie. He liked Jake, but somehow I didn't think that would matter if he caught Jake in the house in the middle of the night. Even if nothing was happening.

A huge grin lit up his face. "I'm Quileute babe. Tracking runs in the blood." _Good God he is way too attractive for his or my own good._

"Well I'm grateful for it. I would be dead by now if it wasn't for you and the wolf."

Jake set me down on my bed carefully before going and closing the door. I swallowed hard becoming suddenly awkward. I hadn't even been alone with a boy in a room that housed a bed. Especially one that makes my hands go clammy, sets my heart racing, and stirs up butterflies in my stomach. And all that is done without him trying. Lord help me if he ever decides that he actually likes me.

"Wolf?" He asked as he sat down beside me.

"Yeah a HUGE one. The biggest one I have ever seen in my ENTIRE life. If I hadn't been scared out of my mind I maybe could have appreciated how pretty it was."

"Yeah we have some big wolves around here, along with other big predators so you should probably stay out of the woods if you're alone."

"I swear I wasn't that far in at first but then he chased me and I just kept running. I didn't know what else to do." It was like I was back in that forest suddenly, fear rising out of nowhere. My voice went up an octave, matching the way my heart was beating faster.

Jake wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into the safety of his chest. Without thinking I wrapped my good arm around him, holding him tightly to me. "Shhh. You did the right thing Nessie. You bought yourself time, it was the smart thing to do."

I moved my legs so they rested over his lap, my head resting on his shoulder. "He was going to kill me."

"But he didn't and now you're safe. You'll always be safe, I'll make sure of it."

I strained my neck so I could look up at him. "You're my protector now?"

"I'll be anything you want me to be." There was no denying the truth of his words. I could see it in the intensity of his burning brown eyes. The way he looked at me left me speechless. It was like…like…_I was his world._

I swallowed hart not knowing what to say. "I want you to just be you."

"That's easy enough." When he smiled my heart melted. _Under differ circumstances, tonight right now, would be perfect._ I snuggled into his arms as a rather loud yawn left my mouth. "You should try to get some sleep."

"Every time I close my eyes I see his face." I mumbled while yawning.

"Just do me a favor and try. I'll stay here until you fall asleep and then I'll let myself out."

"You don't mind?" If I was honest, I wanted him to stay. The only other night I had gotten a good night's sleep was when I had fallen asleep in his arms. And let's face it, I'm in desperate need of another night like that.

Again with his heart warming smile. He was maybe the sweetest guy I have ever known. "Not at all. You get comfy and I'll settle in."

I had to lay on my right side, a pillow under my ankle to help support it. "Okay I'm good." I was anxious, like more than just him helping me fall asleep was happening without me realizing it. I sighed in complete bliss as Jake curled up against my back his arm around my waist holding me to him. I had heard of spooning but hadn't ever done it. It was the perfect way to fall asleep. I felt safe, secured, protected.

"Goodnight Nessie." Jake's mouth was so close to me his breath stirred the hair on my neck causing goose bumps to break out over my skin.

"Goodnight Jake." I said that thinking there was no way I could ever fall asleep with him so close to me. But I was wrong. Just like last time I didn't last long before my eyes closed on their own accord and slumber pulled me into its depths.


End file.
